Dear Counsellor,
My husband and I were married for 12 years, and then he died in a tragic car accident three months ago. His family was good to me, at least when he was still alive. After he died, his sisters started acting weird, coming around unannounced and staying over. Then his brother called me demanding for my husband’s car keys. In my husband’s will, he left me well covered, but his family is not happy about it.
His mother called to say she wouldn’t rest until I was out of her son’s house. I don’t know what I did to anger these people. I’ve always been respectful and was under the impression that they liked me. I know they are after my husband’s property; property that is rightfully mine now, but I refuse to be bullied. How can I handle this situation amicably? Linda
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Dear Linda,
Becoming a widow is not something that would cross one’s mind, and it is even more depressing when it happens suddenly.
The situation is made worse when the in-laws decide to gang up on you, especially in pursuit of property. It’s worth noting that in-laws have the right to grieve and express the anger or hatred they may have, but they are not entitled to property that secures your future, the future that your husband would have provided had he still been alive.
It is important to know your rights and obligations during this difficult time, and stand up for yourself because you have all the legal rights to your late husband’s property.
If they’re not around to console or support you, don’t give yourself more distress by worrying about what is bothering them. I am sure they have their own anguish, and perhaps are even hesitant to approach you, however, I suggest that you connect with one member that you are comfortable with — don’t take them on as a whole.
Note that this is merely a family you married into; you don’t have to tolerate their behaviour, so deal with those who support you.
Be confident and tell them about your legal position and the steps you will most likely take if they continue to overstep the bounds. You cannot be forced to give up your husband’s property.
You didn’t mention if there are children involved, regardless, any assets that were left by the deceased belong to you and your children. Some in-laws always seem to care more about the assets than the welfare of the surviving widow or the children.
Do not try to change to draw approval from your in-laws, rather, learn to stand up for yourself and create your own happiness. Yes it’s good to exude openness and friendliness towards your in-laws but don’t waste time on something that probably will not work.
Your case is even easy because your husband left a will. In the Rwandan law, relatives have no say on the widow’s property unless they have a share indicated in the will. They can only intervene when the wife or children are not there and they come in as second generation beneficiaries. If they insist on wanting to deprive you of your right to property, organisations like Haguruka are here to provide the necessary legal support to vulnerable widows or orphans, making sure that matters are handled by the law. Also, connect with other widows as they will understand and support you. They will share their experiences and challenges and how they handled it. Good luck!
Your feedback
Take the matter to court
Organise a meeting with your in-laws and try to settle matters amicably. However, if you fail to solve the issue good-naturedly, take matters to court and be confident that you will win since there is a will. You were legally married to the man for 12 years; that alone works in your favour.
Zippora Batamuliza, Housewife -----
Do not let them put you down
There is no need to try and be civil when people want to steal your property. I am not sure if you were legally married, but whatever it is, you shared everything, including property. If they insist, take the matter to court.
Francoise Gishoma, Parent -----
They are a materialistic lot
Not only are they greedy and selfish, your in-laws are also heartless; they should be mourning with you instead of fighting for what they didn’t work for. Stand your ground and do not let them take what belongs to you.
Emmanuela Uwizimana, Student -----
You own the property
Since there is clear evidence of ownership of property, you shouldn’t be bothered by their threats. What you need to do is seek spiritual guidance so that the situation doesn’t end up in complete chaos.
Jean Paul Mucyo, Businessman