Dear counsellor , I turned 18 last month, and it makes me feel mature and responsible. However, my parents look at me differently; they lecture me on everything and can’t allow me to take my own decisions. This has started demoralising me and affecting my studies. How can I prove to my parents that I’m responsible, and I can be self-reliant at some point? I need your help.

Uwayezu

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You need to demonstrate maturity

The unfortunate reality is that when your parents are still supporting you, they’re inclined to think of you as a child and want to tell you how to live your life. When you attain a majority age, having your parents to stop treating you like a child can be somewhat complex and it requires patience and careful handling. Although at this age, you are beginning to think better in setting goals for your future, you still have to rely on your parents to achieve those goals. Your target at this time in your life is not to gain overall independence but to obtain some autonomy to get you to the next step of your growth successfully. This is what you need especially now that you’re successfully navigating through adulthood but you have to ask for it with respect. If you feel under treated, draw closer to your parents at convenient moments and explain how you feel about the way they treat you. If possible ask them what you can do to make them support you as mature and worthy of more trust.

It is possible that you parents are not aware that they are treating you like a child.

You need to demonstrate your maturity through handling yourself calmly and with a great sense of integrity by doing the right things at the right time without hurting their sentiments.

When holding casual discussions with your parents, speak with respect and often focus on the good things they did and minimize the bad ones while maintaining a positive tone. Show appreciation for the things they do for you. These behaviors are potential measures to verify your mental and physical development and they will soon learn to treat you like a mature person worthy to trust. Another way to demonstrate that you are mature is to participate in household tasks without being told. Being a good listener, self-driven and apologetic for the wrongs done are all significant qualities that can show your parents that you’re not a kid anymore. Make sure you keep an active social life with your friends, work hard in school and pursue hobbies and other interests to add extra happiness to your daily life.

Listening well is an important part of being perceived as an adult. Avoid whining or making critical remarks as much as possible because these behaviors are seen as a sign of immaturity. Demonstrating an overall interest in your physical well-being is another great way to show your parents that you are mature. Your actions alone should be able to convince your parents that you want friendship with them but not "a line of authority.

Their thoughts...

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Anick Umubyeyi, university studentThe question you should ask yourself is; what have I done to prove to my parents that I am mature and responsible? What parents need is to see you taking care of both your life and those around you, as well as making good choices as you grow up. My advice is that you start being responsible by cleaning the house and avoiding mistakes.

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Josian Uwimana, salesperson

One of the features of being mature and self-reliant is to speak your mind and make upright choices. Talk to your parents about your problem, ask them to trust you with certain responsibilities, and make some decisions on your own. However, with such a request you must meet all your promises for your parents to start believing in you.

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Bapfubusa Steffy, university studentBeing 18 years doesn’t prove that your actions are mature. In my opinion, you need to show your parents that you can take mature decisions. Be an excellent student at school, talk to your parents about your future aspirations and career. Eventually they will start believing that you can handle bigger responsibilities.

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Linda Kirezi, university student Learn to take responsibility both in your parents’ presence and in privacy. For instance, do house chores, concentrate at school and take care of your siblings. All these are actions which indicate that you are responsible and you can be in charge of your life.