Dear Nurse Felicia,

I’m a 24-year-old female and have been dating a 30-year-old man for about nine months. We have a great time together and the relationship is getting better all the time.

There is just one problem; he’s a wonderful, considerate lover, but I believe he may be having an erectile dysfunction issue. I would like to have sex two to three times every day, but he seems only to be able to perform about once a day and sometimes not.

How can I introduce the subject of Viagra without hurting his feelings or making him feel inadequate? The sex is great, I just need more.

Left Wanting

Dear Left Wanting,

I am afraid to say that this sounds more like a relationship issue than a biological one. If you and your boyfriend are having sex at least once a day most days, he is probably not suffering from erectile dysfunction.

Perhaps your expectations of sex two to three times every day may be a bit unrealistic in a long-term relationship. Your boyfriend is a bit older than you and very likely has a career and other responsibilities which place demands on both his time and energy.

What you perceive as a physical problem or a lack of interest in sex is more likely a normal adult reaction to the competing constraints of a busy life.

The best thing you can do in this situation is to talk to your boyfriend about how you are feeling and see how he responds.

Men can be kind of oblivious sometimes so he may be totally unaware that you are unhappy. Most importantly, avoid making accusations such as that he is suffering from erectile dysfunction and instead focus on expressing how you feel.

Perhaps some compromise can be reached, such as more sex on the weekends. I would also urge you to do some soul searching as to whether or not what you are really craving for is just the physical sensations of sex or something deeper.

Perhaps what you are really seeking is greater intimacy. Or perhaps you need some other interests in your life such as work, hobbies, and time with friends.

A healthy sex life is an important component of a strong relationship but it shouldn’t be the sole focus, especially as a relationship matures.

Cheers,
Nurse Felicia

Felicia Price is an American Registered Professional Nurse working in Kigali. Please send your health queries – whatever they may be - to askfelicia@gmail.com