Dear Counsellor,

I read my girlfriend’s journal. I don’t know why. I guess just because I could and it was out in the open. I found out some things about her that really terrify me. Things that I can’t recover from. Basically, she’s writing entries about how little she feels/cares for anyone and the fact that everyone around her is a waste of time (she used harsher words). At some point, she wished her own family would die in an accident saying they’re ‘useless’ and that she is better off without them. We’ve been together for two years and I did not know this dark side of her. Am I supposed to pretend like I have no idea and push it out of my mind, or do I leave her without saying why? I would obviously like to get her help but I do not know how to do that without confessing to reading her journal. What if she snaps? I’m actually scared of her now.

Tom

Dear Tom

Marriage is not an experiment or trial venture. Anything that ‘startles’ someone in a serious relationship is likely to manifest in higher volume if promoted to the marriage level. Therefore, it’s imperative that you watch out for the signs that reveal a potential wife in your girlfriend before you fully commit. Not every woman you fall in love with can be a wife.  A wife material kind of woman enriches the life of everyone around her, most of all, her man. As a matter of concern, if your girlfriend writes such deplorable content in her journal and leaves it in the open, first examine her intentions, whether it was a trick to test your reaction. The freedom to share your feelings with her is a cornerstone of any relationship. So, sit down with her and discuss the content of this journal and her reaction will be a parameter for you to ascertain the intention of her writing. If beyond doubt your girlfriend actually believes that everyone around her is a waste of time and goes ahead to cast a death spell on her own family, then you’re not an exception and it’s only a matter of time before you get your share of her hostility. Being able to spot her harmful behaviour is the first step to minimising the likely danger you may blindly face if and when you finally get married.

Whatever issues she has with her family, there is no justification to wish them dead. And regarding you, it doesn’t matter how well she handles the relationship if she can’t manage to get along with her own family. Be vigilant, not all girls are what they seem to appear and this is a red flag.  Your girlfriend doesn’t care and has no empathy for anybody. The ability to have compassion for other people is a primary value that makes us human. We need each other. Your girlfriend doesn’t seem to care if others around her are in pain, as long as her desires are satisfied. She’s capable of inflicting physical or psychological harm on others and is unmoved by the plight of those she hurts. She feels larger than life, a celebrity in her immoral mind and only entitled to take from people without having to give back. Committing to such a girl is akin to sitting on a bomb and waiting for it to detonate.  

Such a woman may seem physically attractive and charming but it’s only an act.  If there is something she wants from a man, she will behave exactly how he needs her to behave to keep him around even though she doesn’t really care. Don’t pick the wrong person because you expect her to change after you’re married.

Do something now before she starts to make you feel less of a man. If you ignore it, it might worsen when it is harder for you to ‘get out’.