Dear Counsellor,

I suffered a miscarriage six months ago and things got so complicated that I was told I may never have kids. The news was devastating. My husband and I have never been the same since. We barely talk. He comes up with every possible excuse to stay away from home. When he comes back he goes straight to bed. One day he came back drunk and said he blames me for our misfortune. It hurt me. I have tried to talk to him but he gives me the silent treatment. I am suffering too and need my husband more than ever. But I think he resents me and our marriage is really shaky. I can’t do anything to reverse our fate; I wish I could, for the sake of my marriage because it seems he wants kids more than anything. How can I fix this?

Anna

Dear Anna

Infertility is a threatening obstacle in a marriage, capable of causing emotional and anguish, especially when your partner displays signs of impatience and wants to quit the marriage. The disappointment and frustration, the feelings of loneliness and isolation, and confusion as to why this happened to you haunt you. While it may seem that people all around you are getting pregnant, you’re not alone, and your dreams for a family are not yet completely futile. There is a whole range of external and internal factors that can affect a woman’s chances of getting pregnant. Fortunately, modern medicine offers many treatment options. Whether your fertility challenges stem from male or female infertility, it’s vital to recognise that only a few couples are a little sub-fertile, which means they may delay or have problems making a baby together, but it is possible with medical intervention. It’s a medical condition that needs to be recognised and treated.

The good news is that one committed partner can make a huge difference in a relationship once you choose to take the powerful steps to restoring your marriage. Given that infertility can have myriad causes from both male and female conditions, there is no particular set of perfect solutions to help you and your partner conceive a baby immediately. However, don’t give up hope and don’t stress yourself out over this, there are plenty of testimonies from women who conceive babies after a doctor’s negative fertility diagnosis. You may just need a simple hormone drug to stimulate your ovaries, or a different fertility specialist may recommend further treatment to investigate your fertility by finding treatment that suits both your needs. So as you plan to meet your doctor to increase your chances of success, you and your partner should be in the best health possible and use your fertility treatment as the impetus to leading a healthier lifestyle. Prepping for a baby isn’t just about consuming less or more of one thing. Sometimes it boils down to eating the stuff you love, just of a higher quality than usual. When you feel hopeless you have to leave all options on the table and find out which ones work for you. Therefore, put yourself on a nutritious diet and, do daily physical exercises to keep physically and psychologically fit.

Put your main focus on building a good relationship with your man by communicating, caring, consoling and understanding his situation while knowing that even another man in a similar situation would react the same way. Even if your spouse has consistently displayed signs of intolerance for your condition, it takes one person in a union to show positivity for the marriage to work. You need to stay focused and keep the communication alive. Also, get closer to God because He has plans for us all.