It is a party every bride- to-be can’t afford to miss. It is an occasion for a bride to be instructed on the new life she is about to start.

A bridal shower is a gift-giving party held for a bride-to-be in anticipation of her wedding day. Usually mothers, aunts, sisters, friends and workmates organize the bridal shower. It’s during the bridal shower that married women advise the bride-to-be about marriage and the party is held shortly before the wedding.

Due to modernization, the party has become more entertaining and attractive than before and it is mostly only exclusive to females.

Besides giving gifts, the party also features fun, dancing and singing and elders’ advice to the bride.

Mariya Yohana, 75, who has an experience of traditional and modern bridal shower parties, said that the party has been evolved as a result of modernization. However, she said that there is a relationship between what the bridal party used to be many years ago and the modern one.

Yohana explained that in Rwandan culture, the ceremony was called "Guhana umukobwa”, and it would be organized to advise a lady who was getting married soon.

During the ceremony, the bride- to- be would sit together with aunts and female elders to share with her the tips on the new journey of life she was ready to start.

Only aunts, married women and female elders were allowed to attend because it was an occasion to advice and share marriage experience.

"I have attended several bridal shower parties and realized the evolution over the generations. Once I am invited my role is to advise the bride-to-be revealing the new things she will meet once she gets married, advising her that communication with the husband is the base of peace in the family, cautioning her to be patient once she meets unusual personality from her partner,” Yohana said.

The attendees at the party bring various gifts to congratulate and wish the bride-to-be a successful marriage. Yohana said that the modern ceremony sometimes features religious activities like prayers and songs, adding that the modernization has never affected its purpose.

Pastor Ezra Mpyisi, 95, said that in the years past, the party was like a school where aunts would gather to advise the bride to be and that the bride’s friends would also gather at the bride’s home to sing, wish the bride the best and sometimes cry because one of their friends was leaving them.

"It was the time to caution the bride about the dos and don’ts in marriage because consequences would be on the entire family. The aunts would advise her to become a responsible woman and avoid any family misunderstandings that would cause divorce or any other calamity,” Mpyisi said, adding that over time a lot has changed.

He noted that currently the ceremony does not have its uniqueness compared to the past because he fears that since the party was modernized, people focus on entertaining than teaching.

What has changed?

Butera Knowless, a Rwandan artist who got married last year, said that her bridal shower was an opportunity to sit with elders, some relatives and friends to have fun, share experiences and pray for the next phase of her life. The party attracted 40 people and was held at her maid of honor’s home.

"It was my chance to meet with my colleagues again including my classmates, fans among other friends. The party was full of happiness,” she added.

The popular artist considers the bridal shower party crucial for the bride to be due to how it gives tips on how to deal with the new life.

Traditionally, the party was to advise the bride to be, but it has slightly evolved to include giving gifts and celebrating the end of a single life.

Dieudonne Mbonigaba, who gave away his sister, says that although his sister’s bridal shower was held at his house, he was not allowed to attend because it is exclusively for women.

After the ceremony, he learnt that the attendees had brought some gifts including items that would help his sister in her new ‘journey’.

"The attendees shared dinner and the elders explained to the bride how to manage challenges in marriage.”

Sandrine Isheja, a radio presenter who got married a year ago, says her bridal shower was helpful, adding that the party should not be limited to women only but the men too should also have such a ceremony so that they are advised about the challenges of marriage.

Isheja’s party attracted 30 people including close friends, aunts and elders. She was advised on home management, hygiene, how to treat guests, especially her husbands’ relatives and how to work towards a successful home.

"I was surprised to receive gifts including some I had not bought yet,” she said.

The radio personality revealed that before the party takes place, the attendees try to find out items the bride has not bought yet and bring them as gifts.

"My advisors focused on financial management. They told me that I have to be an economist so that we develop our family. I was told that although we are renting, I should try and economize our income so that we could build our own house,” she added.

editorial@newtimes.co.rw