Your partner apologizes and says the hurtful behavior won’t happen again. But you fear it’s not yet over. At times you may start to doubt your own judgment, or wonder whether you are going crazy. You may even feel like you have imagined the whole thing.

But the emotional or physical pain is real. If this sounds familiar, you may be the victim of domestic violence. Also called domestic abuse, intimate partner violence or battering. It occurs between people in intimate relationships.

It can take many forms, including emotional, sexual and physical abuse. Men are sometimes abused by female or male partners, but domestic violence is most often directed towards women.

While some relationships are clearly abusive from the outset, abuse often starts subtly and gets worse over time. It may begin with occasional hurtful comments, jealousy or controlling behavior.

As it gets worse, the abuse may become more frequent, severe or violent. As the cycle of abuse worsens, your safety or the safety of your children may be in danger.

You may be a victim of abuse if you are in a relationship with someone who: Controls finances, so you have to ask for money, looks at you, acts in ways that scare you, acts jealous, possessive, accuses you of being unfaithful, tries to control how you spend your time, who you see or talk to, where you go etc.

Damaging to children

Abusive relationships can also be particularly damaging to children, even if they are just witnesses. But for women, chances are much higher that their children also will be direct victims of abuse.

You may worry that seeking help may further endanger you or your children, or that it may break up your family. But in the long run, seeking help when you safely can is the best way to protect your children and yourself.

Although a lot of people think it is about anger, it isn’t!  It’s about trying to instill fear and wanting to have power and control in the relationship.

Typically each time the abuse occurs, it worsens, and the cycle shortens. As it gets worse, you may have a hard time doing anything about or acknowledging it.

Breaking the cycle

But you can do something and the sooner you take action the better. Talk to trustworthy friends and relatives. You can also report the matter to the police.

Being prepared can help you leave quickly if you need to. Consider taking these precautions: Arrange a safety signal with a neighbour as an alert to call the police if necessary.

Prepare an emergency bag that includes items you will need when you leave. Know exactly where you’ll go and how you will get there, even if you have to leave in the middle of the night.

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