Dear counsellor,

After a good two years in a healthy relationship with my best friend, who also happens to be my workmate, i was shocked to hear recently that his family is responsible for some of my relatives’ death during the 1994 genocide. Since my mother told, i feel cold, and i now barely talk to her even at school. For a month now she keeps asking me why i feel cold, but I am confused whether i should tell her the truth or not. I even fear her now. What should i do?  Yours Patience

Our nation has undergone untold tribulations. The country was torn apart and brought close to ashes during the 1994 Genocide against the Tutsi. To this effect, the RPF made great sacrifices, and forged ahead against all odds and transformed the embattled and ravaged old Rwanda into an increasingly prosperous and powerful new nation thus opening completely new horizons for forgiveness, reconciliation and great rejuvenation of the Rwandan nation. Rwanda has emerged resilient from such trails and tribulation and with a "never-again spirit” we chose to live together as Rwandans with the strong spirit of forgiveness.  Strategies that are meant to fight genocide and its ideology and uphold the spirit of unity and reconciliation have thus been well elaborated one of them being forgiveness. This is the secret behind all the peace, freedom and prosperity that Rwanda enjoys today.

You need to embrace this spirit because doing so will set you free from the past pain and enable you to fulfill your true potential. This spirit has to begin at individual level, family and to the entire nation. Every aspect of your life will change for the better as you learn to forgive your friend and her family. Essentially, forgiveness will release you from your own bondage, while holding on to anger and resentment will blight your life. Actually, this is transferred anger  to the innocent friend who had no single contribution to the killing of your relatives. Such approach is somewhat irrational and less constructive. We can make this a better world by letting go of the past mistakes and forge ahead more rational ways of living together in harmony and steadily move up to the next level of financial abundance and success

If you are a spiritually minded person, then learning practical ways to forgive will deepen your spiritual practice. You benefit immensely when you choose to forgive everyone around you including your friend’s family. Forgiveness will allow you to break free from limiting beliefs and attitudes. It’ll free up your mental and emotional energies so that you can apply them to creating a better life. As you learn to forgive, the energy which was going into unhappy thoughts and feelings will get liberated and can flow into creating the life you want rather than limiting you, or creating more suffering.