Dear counsellor,

I am 24 years old, and almost completing my university studies. I already have a job. Most of my colleagues are living on their own, meaning they no longer stay at their parents’ home. For a year now, they have been making fun of me that I stay under my parents’ roof, and thus I am not man enough. I have been thinking about it, and I am confused as to whether I should leave home or stay. Please help me make the right decision.

Yours Geoffrey

There is no age limit for leaving your parents’ house nor is there "one-size-fits all” notion in this matter. Take for instance; leaving home too early can lead to tough and economically unwise choices, particularly in terms of housing. The truth is "Leave at the right time” but the concept of right time depends on a series of factors ranging from financial independence, convenience, external security, emotional attachment with parents plus your own belief.

Just as a mother allows her baby to crawl away from her and accept increasing distance as the baby learns to walk, you need to expand increasing space to spread out your wings and test your true independence. Being independent is a very challenging phase as we grow but sometimes we need to test our ability of standing with one’s feet. Nature dictates that you mature and allow yourself exactly as much self-sufficiency as you keep safe and healthy while giving the necessary support and intimacy to your parents as they move towards their retirement.

Although research has it that, "Staying longer at home provides social connections and family unit support, it certainly has that unintended consequence of diminished independent thinking and decision making. You risk affecting your dependent-mindset and brewing the unrealistic expectation that you can start your economic life the way your parents prepared theirs. You’ll feel more secure and self-governing when the time comes to begin a separate life more physically distant from parents. Independence will teach you to be a self-starter, increase your self esteem and confidence in dealing with complex situations and will connect you to a wide range of social network for future links. It’ll keep you grounded and in touch with reality embracing life and the challenges that come with humanity.

You need room to grow up and breathe, to live as an independent adult without parental supply and let you know with an amazing cuteness that your parents are grateful to see you grow into an adult. Therefore, increase feelings of your own well-being and readiness to survive and make sure you involve your parents in this decision-making-process for them to feel respected and appreciated. Don’t make a rash decision that could see you looking around to move back home again soon, and make sure you consider all the avenues available to you including holding productive discussions with your parents about your intentions and while clearly articulation your justification for your move.