Tourists have got issues, but so have tour guides. So although this article is essentially about tourists, we shall begin by dissecting tour guides and their issues by way of introduction.

Most tour guides are pathetic losers in that they tend to think that the term ‘tourist’ only applies to fly-in tourists.

Other tour guides are liars and I hate liars. Even tourists hate people who are economical with the truth.

One of the biggest lies I have heard being told to tourists by overzealous local tour guides eager to impress is that "you can leave your belongings and luggage anywhere. Rwanda is very safe.”

Rwanda is safe, true, but that is only a relative description. In other words, Rwanda is safer compared to other countries or tour destinations. And ‘safer’ has never meant ‘absolutely safe’.

Another disgusting trait of some guides is the need to look and sound exotic. Hence some of the pseudo accents that are actually more difficult to discern than when it’s the owners of said language speaking it.

Then there’s the dollar syndrome, where guides now torment us with dollar rates as if we are the fly-in tourists they take around and who actually need these dollar rates.

But for me, a muturage, if I want a simple flash disc or wrist watch that can easily be procured in Nyabugogo or kwa Rubangura, or if I need to eat a simple meal at an average restaurant, why quote me the rates in dollars? As in, if I have Rwf 60,000 spending money in my pocket, does quoting the same amount in dollars give my 60k more value?

Other times, these tour guides have the same issues as the tourists they take around. A while ago, I was at a tourist facility typing Loose Talk frantically away so as to beat the deadline after drinking one too many the previous night.

Then power blacked and unfortunately my laptop has operational settings similar to that of a TV set; it only works when plugged into a power source. When I asked what the issue was (the question not necessarily directed at anyone in particular), tour guide and tourist immediately and simultaneously jumped at me, as if they had been on cue.

Tour guide and tourist both wanted to know why me, an African born and raised on the continent was "pretending” to be shocked at a power outage even before people from Europe and America where power outages are unheard of.

In my mind, I was like really? Do I have to wait for an American or European to complain about a power blackout before I can respectfully follow their cue? What kind of nonsense is that?