Donald Trump won the US election. People were shocked. I wasn’t. I had time to process shock and many other kinds of emotions since he got nominated. The one emotion that stayed constant even to this day, though, is envy. My throat is engulfed by a lump because of envying that man.

It must feel really great to be Donald Trump! Don’t get me wrong; I love being me. With all my eternal aloneness and all the challenges that it presents, I love me.

But oh to be Donald Trump!

To be so openly misogynistic to the point of boasting about sexually harassing members of the opposite sex and people are not out for blood.

I am not even going to talk about tax evasion, Islamophobia, insurance fraud, display of ignorance about the affairs of the country you want to lead…the list goes on.

To do all that and still get nominated and then elected for the most powerful position in the world.

Already, I think it must feel really great just to be male. The privilege that it affords you in this patriarchal world is unprecedented.

To be assumed to be rational because "men are not as emotional as women and are therefore able to think with their heads.” To be excused for cheating because "how many men don’t cheat?”

To not have as much pressure to explain the thing that must be wrong with you that’s keeping you single. Because if you are still single, you are either still busy chasing your dream or you just haven’t met the right woman. Your character is not called into question.

To wake up and go about your day knowing that there is no likelihood of being approached by a disrespectful member of the opposite sex who thinks you are just a thing to be played with.

But to have all this male privilege and on top of that belong to a ‘superior race’ in a ‘superior country’ must be blissful and I would give my left eye to have that for a week.

Because there is no way a woman of any age, race, religious background, physical appearance, level of intellect, with God walking beside her, would have pulled off what Donald Trump pulled off. One past mistake would be enough to render her dishonourable and unfit. Such a woman wouldn’t even head the equivalent of umurenge (sector).

Because to be a woman and want to crawl of the ‘kitchen’, you better have a squeaky clean past and present. Even your family members. Because even your distant cousin the kleptomaniac can spoil things for you. Because who wants to deal with a woman who comes from a family of thieves? Sigh.