We humans don’t know how to give freely. When we give, we want the recipient to shout it from the rooftops so everyone can know how incredible we are. Or at least be eternally indebted to us. Put us on a pedestal. And all of that is fine, that is until we expect them to love us and/or never falter in their love.

I was reading a story last week about a man whose girlfriend gave him a kidney. And now he doesn’t love her anymore and he wants to leave her but he is overcome with guilt. And everyone is up in arms, calling him a monster. How dare he stop loving her after all that she has done for him?

Well, that’s because gratitude and love are two different sentiments. Gratitude is always triggered by something specific; an act of kindness, a rescue, a favor…it is basically tied to an incident. But love can be triggered by anything and nothing.

And while gratitude can sometimes lead to love, love cannot be sustained by gratitude. Failure to understand this is why most people get disappointed or heartbroken. They go out of their way to do things expecting love and then they feel betrayed when they only get gratitude instead.

Yes giving someone a kidney is a grand gesture. But the harsh truth is that it doesn’t suddenly transform her into the person he wants to be with for the rest of his life. Maybe she has some character traits that don’t resonate with him.

So why didn’t he think of that before he accepted her kidney? Because he was dying. Dying is scary. And kidneys are not like air. They are hard to come by. So if someone offers you one, you take it.

Maybe he even loved her at the time she gave him a kidney. Wanted to be with her. But then like the human being she is, she expected him to start worshipping her. And he felt a lot of pressure trying to live up that expectation because there are only so many ways to express gratitude. He fell out of love.

It’s unfair to then call such a person a monster. Because we are all like him. Because none of us can really turn gratitude into unfailing love. Otherwise everyone would be in love with Jesus. And there would be no bad deeds because bad deeds are disappointing to him who died for our sins.

I was about to waste my time telling everyone to just give without expecting anything in return. But it’s asking for too much. It’s asking human beings to rid themselves of their human nature.

If it isn’t applause, then it is fame. If it isn’t fame, then it is love. If not that, then self-praise. Each one of us is guilty of wanting one of those things when we give. And because of this, the recipients of our gestures have to carry the burden of revering us forever.

In light of all this, dear future boyfriend, if I ever need a body part to save my life just let me die.