Dear Counselor,

I lost my husband last year in a car accident and I thought I would never find love again because he was the love of my life. However, three months ago I met a handsome man at church and he seemed to show genuine interest in me. He is smart and funny and stable. I gave him my number and he has since made it a point to call me up and check on me.

For a woman in my 40’s, this doesn’t happen a lot and I was kind of okay being single for the rest of my life. But I’m beginning to think I should give him a chance; my sister, however, thinks it’s too soon and that people will talk and judge me. I cherish my husband’s memory and a part of me does feel guilty. But what should I do? My only child lives abroad and so I get lonely and long for companionship. My sister says moving on will be disrespectful to my husband. What do I do?

Dinah

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Dear Dinah,

Adjusting to a new person, especially after the loss of a beloved one, may seem too huge to handle and absolutely irreversible. Death of a spouse is a more devastating experience and feelings of sadness, anger, fear, confusion and grief may constantly strike and at random.

This is, however, part of the healing process. Remember, the way you choose to perceive a given situation has a direct bearing on how you’ll be affected by it. Off course grief hits people in different ways but how long you take to pick up the broken pieces and return to normal is important. Accept the loss but don’t let it control your entire lifetime.

The return to love may strike equilibrium in your life and give you greater self-assurance to escape grief and ultimately, nurture your broken heart into a more delightful place. You have to let go of the emotions of skepticism and find new love. Happiness doesn’t come easily, but it can only be experienced after intense pain subsides.

Therefore, when you eliminate the grief and restore it with life rewarding opportunities, you will get back to the basics and live a happy life after the death of your spouse. 

Taking time to open the doors for fresh love can be best achieved when you learn to balance patience, courage and trust. This is because anyone can paint a good picture to win your heart and later turn sour.

Finding love at church is not a bad thing, but not every Christian in church possesses good qualities for a fine partner. Find out from your man what his dreams are, what plans he has and his life’s aspirations.

That way, you will get a pretty good idea of who he is and whether he shares your aspirations before you get close. You might rush to commit and later find out it was all too god to be true. So don’t rush into anything.