Dear Nurse Felicia,

My oldest daughter turned 13 a few months ago and it’s like a completely different person has taken over her body. She used to be so sweet and affectionate and talked to me about her friends and problems but now she is moody all the time and will hardly talk to me at all. What’s this all about? Confused in Kicukiro

Dear Confused,

Ah, puberty! A tough time for adolescents and parents alike. Perhaps you will draw some comfort from the fact that you are certainly not alone. The physical/hormonal and social changes young people go through at this age often lead to conflict with parents.

Raging hormones can cause significant mood swings, as you have clearly seen and anxiety over physical changes can also exacerbate the problem.

While the physical is significant, social changes also play a major role. At the same time as adolescents seek greater independence from their parents, they are also afraid of the responsibilities that independence entails, perpetuating the cycles of anxiety and moodiness.

So what is a parent to do? First off be patient and remember that you are the adult in the situation. Try to connect with your daughter, look for common interests and try to be supportive, but don’t push too hard.

When your advances are rebuffed, take a deep breath and remember that it really doesn’t have anything to do with you and that reacting negatively will only make the situation worse.

Pick your battles. Insist on maintaining rules that are aimed to keep your daughter safe but think about compromising on the small stuff like clothing and hair styles that allow her to feel a sense of independence and self-expression.

Talk about the physical changes she is undergoing. It is very important to give your daughter accurate information about what is happening to her body.

Not only will this help to relieve some of her anxiety but it will also prevent potentially dangerous situations that might arise if she receives incorrect information from her peers.

While it may be uncomfortable, it is especially important at this time to begin to talk to your daughter about sexuality and reproductive health.

Whatever your own political or religious views, you owe it to your children to provide them with the necessary tools to make healthy and informed choices.

Finally, maintain a sense of humor. Know that parents all over the world are going through exactly the same challenges and have for generations. In fact, if you call your own mother to complain you just might find that she’ll tell you it serves you right! Good luck!

Nurse Felicia

Felicia Price is an American Registered Professional Nurse working in Kigali.

Please send your health queries – whatever they may be - to askfelicia@gmail.com