A person’s ability to act and speak with kindness is deeply related to emotional maturity. People who openly and freely practice kindness tend to be comfortable in their own skin and feel secure in the company of others. Very often a lack of experienced kindness speaks to a person’s uneasiness with self. If I am not at peace with my own being, how will I ever learn to be at peace with yours? The kindness – or lack of kindness – we demonstrate toward others is a direct reflection of how much kindness we show to ourselves, and how much kindness we believe we are worth.

I’ve wrestled with self-kindness over the past few weeks as I have seen my tolerance wane in the face of challenging circumstances. Countless obligations have encroached on my self-care time and I have watched myself sacrifice daily practices I know are essential for my continued well-being. I have had to call on my courage as I deal with anger, frustration, and shame in order to redirect myself on a path toward resilience and growth.

I’ve come up with a personal action plan I will share here…

First, recommit today. I have to deliberately make room for daily ritual in my life. For me that means yoga, deep breathing, and meditation. There must be a constant amid the fluctuating changes of day to day living. When anger and frustration arise, I can ground myself in self-care time. When shame rears its head, I can rest in the comfort of my own company. This may mean sacrificing other activities that are important to me, but I must become an advocate and protector of my "me time.”

Second, I must remember that I am worthy of self-kindness. If I truly believe we are all interconnected as human beings and that every person is entitled to the same level of dignity and respect, then that means I too am deserving of such care. This is a practice just like anything else. This includes lowering the high standards of perfectionism I place on myself and loosening up to enjoy more, laugh more, and soften into the moment wherever I find myself. I commit to this intentional self-affirmation of worthiness.

Lastly, I must remove myself from those people, places, and spaces that are a vacuum for my energy. This requires conscious awareness regarding how I feel in my relationships and work life, and a commitment to become increasingly mindful about how I give of myself. I must be aware of the environments that emotionally drain me so that I can focus my time on life-giving relationships and restorative havens for my own health.

That is my plan to recalibrate to kindness: recommit to ritual, practice worthiness, and seek out those people and places that give me energy. Remember, the ability to be kind arises from the quality of our own self-care and attention to personal well-being. In this way, kindness acts as a barometer for what’s going on in our own self-relationship. What is your barometer reading today?

Billy Rosa is a Registered Nurse, Integrative Nurse Coach Visiting Faculty, University of Rwanda