A key aspect of a healthy emotional balance is allowing others to share their experiences. By creating an open and healing environment for friends and family to share what’s on their hearts, we build deeper connections, invite more authentic and meaningful communication, and disempower emotions from running us. Everyone needs a safe place to share their story and release what binds them. We play a role in how we avail ourselves to others, reminding them that we can hold the space for them as they release the emotions that bind and no longer serve them.

Some people believe that speaking about emotions magnifies their hold over us. They may be concerned about showing "weakness” or "focusing on the past.” But here’s the thing: the more we avoid the past, refuse to acknowledge it, and release it, the more it is determining our present and future. For example, if we’ve experienced a fearful experience and never confront the fear, it will creep into everything we do, often unconsciously. It finds its way into habits and choices and how we communicate. It seeps into the relationships with spouses and children and parents. It erodes self-esteem and limits what is possible in life.

When we hold firm in silence, refuse to share with loved ones what is going on, and retreat; that is when emotions have wielded their dominance. We have become victim to shouldering emotions on our own. Maybe we believe we are the only ones who know such pain and that means we should avoid vulnerability at all costs.

Sharing our experiences with those we care about fosters belonging, a sense of community, and the understanding that emotions are a universal experience. We all know pain and sadness. We all have the opportunity to know love and joy.

Emotional silence is emotional death. When we are unable to deal with and then purge our negative emotions, we are inadvertently preventing ourselves from fully feeling the positive ones. Brené Brown writes that we cannot selectively numb emotions. When we avoid the depth of fear and the core of pain, we also preclude ourselves from knowing deep happiness or profound contentment. The spectrum of emotions is rich and varied, and we do not get to choose which ones we will experience. Each one of them is meant to be felt, expressed, and released.

So how do we go about creating such a healing environment for others? First, acknowledge where you are uncomfortable with shared emotions. Next, consider sharing what’s on your own heart in order to encourage your loved one to offer what’s on theirs. Finally, do not judge or offer solutions. It is not our place to give opinions or make it better. Each one of us carries the answers within. Receive the other’s story with compassion and kindness. Understand there is no need to fix them. Simply give them the freedom to be who they are, with all of the experiences that have informed their present moment. Allow them the privilege of speaking their truth.

Billy Rosa is a Registered Nurse, Integrative Nurse Coach Visiting Faculty, University of Rwanda