Would you believe me if I told you that the most challenging emotion for most people to handle is not anger or grief or worry, but joy? It is true. The research shows that joy is very difficult for people. It brings up doubt and discomfort related to the temporary nature of things. Joy challenges us to accept our contentment and elation and to believe that we are actually worthy of the experience. And since some of us still do not believe we deserve our happiness, joy triggers the insecurities of our self-esteem. 

Joy is a bold emotion. It can overtake our mind and spirit. True joy can lift us out of depression, remind us of our purpose in life, and help us to reorient ourselves to what matters most. Bring to mind those people, places, and activities that afford you this feeling of contentment and happiness. Take a moment to reflect on them and see how you invite joy into your experience. Feel the pulsation of joy in your spine and heart and limbs. Allow it to circulate throughout your being. It may even make you cry. Hang on to it for as long as you can.

How did you do? Ten seconds? Twenty? One minute? Challenging, isn’t it? The problem is we aren’t used to cultivating and practicing it. Many people are not accustomed to celebrating the small moments in life. It is much easier to complain and make things difficult. The view of the world then deteriorates into one big problemto be fixed. Its easy to worry about what might go wrong, fixate on who annoys you, or wrestle with why you have been given such a poor lot. But joy tells us that there is no reason for such negative responses to life. Joy reminds us all is as it should be; that we are exactly in the right place, right now, with what we have. Joy pokes holes in our habits of negativity and problem-making.

Researcher-storyteller, Brené Brown, calls this "foreboding joy.” She uses the example of going into your child’s bedroom while they are sleeping, standing over them, and being overcome by your love for them. In that moment, many people tend to think of the worst things that could happen – maybe my child gets sick or injured, someday her heart will be broken, or someone will hurt her. The momentary joy that we initially felt morphs into a combination of anxiety and fear. Our joy is slighted by the self-imposed stress of losing it. Even before we have been able to allow the joy to sink it, resonate, and be grateful for it, we have dismissed it as something we can’t afford to feel.

So start today. Bring to mind those things that bring you joy. Meditate on them. Hang onto them. Catch yourself as you move to dismiss or discount it. Be persistent in your quest for joy. Insist upon it. Own it. Celebrate it. Let it in.

Billy Rosa is a Registered Nurse, Integrative Nurse Coach Visiting Faculty, University of Rwanda