Emmanuel Nserukiyimana, a resident of Mbazi sector in Huye District in the southern region of Rwanda, admitted to beating his wife almost every day.

"We were always in conflict. The family was going destitute due to conflicts,” he told The New Times in an interview.

According to Nserukiyimana, the assets they had were his, and he thought his wife had no rights to them. "Her role was to look after the children. She could till the land, harvest, sell but I took control of the money,” he said.

Almost always intoxicated, Nserukiyimana would beat his wife and sometimes, even chase her away from home. "My wife and children would have to leave the house to avoid me, and come back the next day.”

In 2021, he registered for the Gender Action Learning System (GALS) programme, which aims to eradicate gender-based violence in homes, and was implemented by DUHAMIC-ADRI, a not-for-profit organisation that strives for the development of rural communities.

Becoming ‘agents of change’

Now an ‘agent of change’, Nserukiyimana is at the frontline of the fight against GBV, noting that ending it in his home has led to noticeable progress.

Nserukiyimana currently lives in harmony with his wife after learning how to change his attitude and behaviour — through the GALS programme — and is committed to ending GBV in his home.

"I begged my wife for forgiveness and she pardoned me. I stopped drinking alcohol and embarked on development projects,” he told The New Times.

"I can cook and she can cook. When I am not at home, I ride a bicycle to transport passengers as a way to earn income to develop my family. Today we share the same bank account where she can access all the money I earn,” Nserukiyimana said.

"We save money through saving groups and deposit some in the bank. This enabled us to acquire a loan. The loan helped to renovate my house and we have electricity. I also got another loan and bought a piece of land. It is registered in my and my wife’s names. We have built a house on this plot of land,” he said. On the same plot, he built a livestock shed.

"I also opted to study traffic rules and have already got a driver’s license. We are hopeful for more family development,” he added.

Similar to Nserukiyimana, Jean Pierre Niyonsenga had a very patronising attitude towards women’s roles at home.

Niyonsenga, a resident of Rwamagana District, used to believe that men couldn’t do any household chores and should instead go to bars for a drink, only returning home when the food prepared by a woman was ready.

However, Niyonsenga’s mind-set has changed due to a project called "Growth for Economic Opportunities for Women”.

"Today, I am not ashamed of sweeping, cooking or bathing my baby,” he said.

The project was implemented by IPAR-Rwanda and Réseau des Femmes Ouvrant pour le Dévelopement Rural, aimed at the reduction and redistribution of women’s Unpaid Care work (UCW), and has engaged 1,100 couples from five districts, namely; Burera, Gicumbi, Musanze, Nyabihu and Rwamagana.

Jeannette Mugeni, a Rwamagana resident, testified that thanks to the training, men have changed their attitude as they used to think household chores are a woman’s job.

"Men who do such household work were mocked by their counterparts, who claimed that women had ‘poisoned’ them,” Mugeni said, adding that as a tailor, she barely found time to do the job as most of her time was spent on unpaid care work.

Getting everyone on-board

Gender-based violence (GBV) is violence directed against a person because of that person’s gender, or violence that affects persons of a particular gender disproportionately.

GBV includes physical violence, verbal violence, psychological violence, sexual violence, socio-economic violence, domestic violence or intimate relationships, harassment and sexual harassment.

Every year, the world observes the 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence, an annual campaign that begins on November 25, which is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, and runs through December 10, the International Human Rights Day.

According to the United Nations Entity for Gender Equality and the Empowerment of Women, also known as UN Women, violence against women and girls remains the most pervasive human rights violation around the world. Already heightened by the Covid-19 pandemic, its prevalence is now being further increased by the intersecting crises of climate change, global conflict and economic instability, UN Women — a United Nations entity working for gender equality and the empowerment of women — notes.

As activists around the world strive to put an end to the vice through various campaigns, men are also encouraged to be agents of change, as efforts to end GBV falter when males are not engaged as part of the solution.

Vestine Mukandayisenga, the coordinator of GALS, said 6,059 people have been trained in ending GBV in their families as of 2021.

"They were trained on gender balance and how to manage family resources for development. After the training, the family conflicts have drastically decreased. Men have changed their attitude and behaviours,” she said.

According to the 2019/20 Demographic and Health Survey, 46 per cent of ever-married women and 18 per cent of ever-married men have experienced spousal physical, sexual, or emotional violence.

Fidele Rutayisire, Founder and Executive Director of the Rwanda Men’s Resource Centre (RWAMREC), said the root causes of domestic violence are gender and social norms and power imbalances between men and women.

"This is the reason why RWAMREC works to shift intimate partners’ attitudes and behaviour by engaging couples in ending domestic violence while promoting positive behaviours like communication, positive masculinity, shared household chores, and joint decision-making,” he said.

RWAMREC has put in place different programmes seeking to have peaceful and healthy families in Rwanda. These include the Bandebereho programme, the Gender Equality and Women Empowerment Programme (GEWEP), and the Baho Programme, to mention a few.

"Where these programmes are implemented, they have successfully addressed this issue and other related issues such as malnutrition, school dropouts, maternal and child health, etc.”

For instance, over 3,000 couples who were in domestic conflicts due to gender-based violence in Southern Province are on course to end the conflicts.

The economic costs of domestic violence include the reduced economic earning power of women and increased costs of providing services for survivors of violence. The social costs include the impact on women’s physical well-being, mental health, reproductive health, and social status.

"Men are still the gatekeepers of current gender orders and are potential resistors of change. If we do not effectively reach men and boys, many of our efforts can be ignored. Also, as they are part of the problem, they can be part of the solution. Hence, there is a need to continue engaging men and boys in all programme interventions for the gender transformation of our society. This requires mainstream men to engage in approaches in all socio-economic sectors,” Rutayisire said.