In the aftermath of his relationship, my friend James invited me for a cup of coffee.

Okay. I am now being tempted to divert my attention to this phrase that some Africans watched in American movies and now like they like to throw it around ever so snottily. "Let’s go for a cup of coffee.”"We should have a cup of coffee sometime.” "Can I buy you coffee?”

I have made a mental note to tackle this issue and all of the absurd imitations us Africans are fond of. 

Now back to James. James and I sat down to share about his misery. He ranted on and on about his ex-girlfriend and I listened. Then he ranted on and on about all his ex-girlfriends and I tolerated it. 

Then he started condemning womankind. And I would have let it go had he not asked me, "What do women want?” and then sat there expecting me to provide a response. I told him, "I don’t know,” to which he responded, "You’re a woman; you should know.”

And with that, James became the umpteenth person to ask me the ridiculous question. And I decided to conclude that someone has been spreading a false rumour that women hold global meetings to discuss their personal expectations. 

Otherwise, why would people keep asking me and expecting me to know what billions of women from different continents and races and cultures want?

Dear James, (and everyone who has ever asked this question), to know what a person wants (yes, women are people first), you have to know who they are. 

This may shock you but just like other humans, women are not homogeneous. Each and everyone of them is unique. They have different body shapes. They have different interests. They have different personalities. They have different histories.They want different things out of relationships and out of life in general.

The problem is that you already have pre-conceptualized, small-minded notions about women. So in essence, when you ask, "What do women want?” you are just wondering, "Why is it that women won’t fit in this tiny mental box that I created for them?”

The problem with approaching people (again yes, women are people first) with a closed mind is that it robs you of the chance to get to know them. And you cannot love someone that you do not know. 

You will, like James, buy flowers because "all women want flowers.” You will wait for your girlfriend to be over the moon about your gesture and it won’t happen. You will decide that she is cold or that she is disloyal or that she only wants money. And you will buy me ‘coffee’ and you will rant about just what a terrible human being she is.

So…what do women want? I don’t know.I know what I want that’s for sure. But I cannot speak for everyone.I’m not Chaka Khan; you won’t find me singing, "I’m Every Woman.”