Dear Counsellor,

I am 20 years old. I consider myself mature and responsible. My worry is that parents look at me differently. They think I am still young and this has started demoralising my efforts towards studies. How can I prove that I am responsible?

Yours, Abera

When you come of age, having your parents to stop treating you like a child can be complex because to them, you’ll always remain a kid. This is a very delicate issue that requires patience and careful handling. The most solid truth is that "yes, you’re their child” regardless of your age. 

In fact consider yourself lucky. There are millions of people today who lost their parents or whose parents don’t care about them and are often left longing for parental, unconditional affection. You need to demonstrate your maturity through handling yourself calmly and with a great sense of integrity by doing the right things at the right time without hurting their sentiments. If you feel wrongly treated, communication becomes crucial. Find convenient moments to explain how you feel about the way they treat you. However, it is possible that you parents are not aware that they are treating you like a child.

When holding casual discussions with your parents, speak with respect and focus on the good things they have done while maintaining a positive tone. Show appreciation for the things they do for you. This behaviour is a potential measure to illustrate your mental and physical growth and they will soon learn to treat you like a mature person worthy trusting.

Another way to demonstrate that you are mature is to participate in household tasks without being told. Being a good listener, self-driven and apologetic for your wrongs are all significant qualities that can show your parents that you’re not a kid anymore. Make sure you keep an active social life with your friends, work hard in school or on your job, and pursue hobbies and other interests to add extra happiness to your daily life.

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YOU DEBATE:

Phiona Mutesi, university student

It’s good you believe you’re responsible. Regarding convincing your parents to be on the same page with you, you simply have to follow simple steps like keeping good company of friends and staying away from the things they dislike. Eventually, by living in line with their preferred guidelines, they will develop a degree of trust in you.

Patience Ndayizeye, student

Parents want their efforts towards making their children responsible individuals appreciated. You can do this by considering their opinions, taking your tasks seriously and proving to them that in their absence you can take care of pressing issues at hand. Go out of your way to compliment them or do an extra chore. Little things like this show them that you really are responsible.

Janvier Hitayesu, student

Prove you can take care of yourself. Keep your grades high and stay away from bad influence at school. Don’t forget to participate in different home activities like attending to the needs of your siblings, among others. Be sure to do your daily chores and don’t be lazy. This will show your parents you are ready to embrace adulthood and they will start taking you seriously.

Betty Umutoni, student

Start surprising them by doing things you never used to do socially and academically. Start having healthy conversations with them and let me know your future plans and aspirations. Take responsibility for some important activities at home; eventually they will start believing in you and admit you are responsible. Their behaviour towards you is because to them you are still a child, but it is not in bad faith. It will change gradually.

By Dennis Agaba