It’s a wedding, not a circus show

When Katie Dalby appeared in the news two years ago, it had nothing to do with her job as a teacher or the fact that she had gotten married. Not exactly. Instead, Dalby from Essex, England, was in the news because she had had trouble picking which of her students to include as bridesmaids and in the end decided that all 74 of them plus her three sisters-in-law, a cousin, a niece and her best friend would all be her bridesmaids, bringing the total entourage to 80. I just didn’t want to start imagining what Dalby’s husband had as his crew. Was this still a wedding entourage or a market party?

I have not had a wedding before so I am perhaps not qualified to write about this, but no, I insist, maybe one day I will have one, I mean, a girl can only hope. Right? I hope that if I ever get married, I don’t have to go through the stress of choosing bridesmaids out of my insanely extended family. You see, I happen to have the type of family where the family tree seems to have another family tree attached and another and another, meaning that if I was to try and include everyone; I would break teacher Dalby’s record and probably end up in the Guinness Book of Records. And that is only relatives. Try to imagine what would happen if I added friends to this. What would I be having? A wedding ceremony or a circus show?

People like saying that the more, the merrier. What they don’t understand or adamantly refuse to accept is that having four bridesmaids was forced on us but we have accepted it as normal but six, eight and above is pushing it.

Then there is the elephant in the room, the budget. Things have changed so much, so bridesmaids and groomsmen are expected to find ways to cough up money for their outfits but what about the instances where you have to pay? What about transporting these people to and from venue A to venue B? Sitting arrangements?

Extra decoration? What does a wedding photographer do with all these people? What about food?

I can’t help but think about how this ‘crowd’ sashaying around the bride and groom really takes the attention away from them and gives us keen and attentive guests a headache as we try to keep up. My eyes are not fast enough to dart through a group of 16.

Instead of wasting money on huge entourages, dressing these people, paying for their makeup, transporting them, etcetera, please put that money to good use; serve cold drinks and feed good food to your guests. You can’t stress people asking for contributions for your wedding only to serve us warm Sprite and a piece of the wedding cake.

editorial@newtimes.co.rw

The more the merrier

Weddings, and what it takes to get there, can be very tiring. I should know – if I had a dollar for every wedding meeting invitation I’ve received, I’d have financed my own luxurious wedding by now. And if I had another dollar for the weddings I’ve actually attended, I’d be on a yacht somewhere in the Caribbean.

However, in reality, I’m so exhausted with the process that I’m toying with the idea of boycotting my own wedding – when it happens of course.

There’s also the fact that when it comes to weddings, everyone wants to be a part of it, so in the end, you might be overwhelmed by the arguing and nagging that normally defines the wedding party (entourage).

Since we are not in Hollywood and therefore don’t get married every three months, (not forgetting that our parents were dead serious when they told us not to give up on our marriages), it is safe to say that we only plan on getting married once.

That said, knowing that there’s a good chance I won’t be donning that gorgeous gown again, I find it fitting to ‘go all out’ - if that’s your thing - and make the day as memorable as you want. It’s your day!

Whoever thinks wedding parties are out of fashion has clearly not seen the beautiful wedding photos trending on social media that make you want to marry yourself (if you’re single) and pay friends to ignore your madness and follow you down the aisle.

People talk about cost cutting solutions but they forget that not everyone is on a budget. What I don’t support, however, is soliciting funds to pay for the party’s attire.

Also, you don’t have to have the entire clan or all your former classmates as ‘escorts’. That will cost you an arm and leg, perhaps even a kidney. About two or three friends can make it work beautifully. Walking down the aisle solo is kind of off, bordering on lonely – you might as well elope and go get married at some far-flung beach.

It’s also true that the bride needs help from time to time, and that is where the party comes in. Should she need a handkerchief or assistance getting from A to B (you don’t want her tripping on that long dress tail), who will help?

Also, to have a truly memorable wedding, don’t you think having people close to you be a part of it matters?

Years later when you go through the photos and see the smiles and remember the happiness, it will all be worth it.

I’ve heard of brides worrying about someone ‘stealing focus’ but unless Halle Berry is in the bridal party, be confident. Since they usually wear similar dresses, it shouldn’t be a problem.

As science takes its course and my body continues to succumb to the inevitable, should it happen any time before I become a complete fossil, keeping it traditional (maids and all) is what it will be. After all, what’s a wedding with no drama?

rachel.garuka@newtimes.co.rw