Your past does not define who you are

You meet someone, they are good-looking, they seem interesting, they are respectful and the icing on the cake is that they are head over heels in love with you. Butterflies start dancing in your stomach and you start acting like a besotted teenager, but just as you think that your lonely nights and your days of searching for the right person could be over, you find out that the man or woman of your dreams is a former convict. Bummer, right?

Maybe. But for some people, that really isn’t an issue. What would you do? Stay or run for the hills? Personally, I probably would stay.

You see, we all do have a past and most of the time, that past is not decorated with balloons, candy and candles.

It varies, but most times, it is dark or dirty or both. It’s obvious that armed with this kind of unpleasant detail, a thousand questions are going to flood your brain. Your mind will wonder and wander if the subject of your now so rosy interest is remorseful, you will wonder if they asked for forgiveness (if the crime was committed against a person or people) and most importantly, if they have truly reformed.

Good communication is one of the biggest pillars of a strong relationship. I would think that before running for the hills, it is only fair to communicate with the person and get to the bottom of the issue. I would want to know if this was the first time they were in trouble with the law and if not, what else it is that saw them jailed.

People will tell you that some crimes, like murder or violence, are not forgivable and while I understand their sentiments, I don’t necessarily agree. I think it is important to understand that hard as it is to believe; people actually do change. A human being is capable of making a complete 360 degree turn for better, the same way someone that you thought you knew can turn a complete 360 degree for a complete monster.

It is also important to understand the background of the issue and the persons involved. There is a reason why someone may die in a fight and in one court it is called murder and in another, manslaughter. You can’t possibly understand someone’s journey unless you really get into it and you can’t get into it if you don’t go into it with an open mind.

There are many reasons why a person may get in trouble with the law. However, after someone has served their sentence, there is no reason why they should not get back to a normal life, free of judgement, scrutiny. There is no reason why they shouldn’t be employed, and most importantly, there is no reason why they shouldn’t love and be loved.

nash.bishumba@newtimes.co.rw

A con cannot be trusted

There is a need to be fair just in the case it was sheer bad luck and a person was unjustly convicted. But for a guilty con, I would not risk my life like that. Even if he were a ‘white collar’ convict, it means he lied, betrayed and cheated the people who trusted him, and with that, I’d be foolish to think he won’t betray me.

The first chapter of Psalms in the Bible warns us against standing in the way of sinners or sitting in the seat of the scornful. I take that advice with utmost enthusiasm because I wouldn’t want to be associated with law breakers who might just be actually evil.

No one looks at their kids and thinks that it would be okay for them to one day date a felon, so, why would Ibreak my parents’ hearts by doing so?

They say ‘love conquers all’ and that it can capture even the strongest of hearts, but how am I supposed to fall for someone unruly enough to defy the law? We can love anybody but we need to love ourselves more. If he was bold enough to defy the laws that govern the country, then what makes me special? How can I possibly trust him with my life and even go ahead and have children with him? The truth comes out eventually, the kids will find out – and I’d rather not have to explain to them that their father once embezzled money or strangled a guy to death in self-defence and was put behind bars for a considerable amount of time.

Change happens, but we all deserve partners who make our lives better not bitter. You never know when history will repeat itself. It’s best to be in a relationship where you feel good and secure, mentally and spiritually, as opposed to worrying if your better half will snap and commit a crime.

Everybody has skeletons in their closet but one that is convicted is considered a veteran in crime. Being in jail alone changes one’s life. It seems like a very desperate move to me and the last time I checked, men are still roaming the earth, so until the world runs out of men, I think I’ll play it safe.

Everyone deserves a second chance in life; I just don’t want to gamble with my life.

editorial@newtimes.co.rw