Relationships are life’s greatest mirrors. They serve as reminders of how far we’ve come and the ways in which we have grown. They invite us to look at our shadow sides, the parts of ourselves we keep hidden in shame or doubt, and to realize that it is safe to be who we are. Those we relate with give us hope that human love and connection is both possible and necessary to our collective evolution.

Most of all, our relationships tell us how we are showing up in life. Occasionally we can have those days, weeks, or months when we feel the whole world is against us. We have arguments with friends or family. No matter how respectable our efforts, we seem to constantly fall behind at work. And we may inadvertently disappoint the people around us. But what those relationships are really telling us is that we need to get deliberate about who we want to be in the world. They give us the daily opportunity to stand up, brush off, and be someone of contribution and service. The way we engage each relationship every moment is a chance to learn about ourselves – to do better – to perfect the art of human relating. It is us that need to flow with the winds of change – not the world.

More so than any other venue, relationships are a stark reminder that, "It’s not all about me!” Some of us may have quite a self-centered tendency to think that we are the ones who should always be happy, content, satisfied, justified, comfortable, and that those around us should be flexible enough to accommodate our seemingly necessary conveniences. But there is great freedom in realising: It is not all about me! Understanding this – I mean, really getting this – brings endless possibility into our lives.

For example, if I want more joy in my life, I may wait for joyful circumstances and for people to commit all sorts of joyful acts in my presence. But that’s not how it works. There are two downfalls here: one, this way of living leaves me dependent on others for my joy, and two, if I don’t get the joy, then I will blame the world around me and become more detached and less apt to relate to others.

If I want more joy then I start by intentionally bringing joy to the lives of those around me. I seek out the activities that would insert joy into the day of someone else; I offer the very statement of congratulations or accolades they’ve been waiting to hear; I show appreciation for that very thing for which they await appreciation. And I witness their joy. And I share it. And I become joyful in it. And, magically, I have the experience of more joy in my life.

The same goes for many of the shared aspirations we have as human beings: love, kindness, acceptance, and compassion.

Relationships are life’s whispers of growth asking, "Who would you have me be today?”

Billy Rosa is a Registered Nurse, Integrative Nurse Coach Visiting Faculty, University of Rwanda