November 25 marked the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women and the start of the 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence (GBV), a campaign that runs till December 10 to raise awareness and call for action to end violence against women and girls.

Gender-based violence manifests in many forms, ranging from physical and psychological, to economic and sexual. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), violence against women – particularly intimate partner violence and sexual violence – is a major public health problem and a violation of women’s human rights

This raises questions, such as; how does one handle being abused by the person they love? How can they report the abuse? How does one distinguish between abuse and normal behaviour?

Intimate partner violence (IPV) is a type of Gender-Based Violence (GBV) that occurs in a romantic relationship where one’s partner becomes the source of abuse or aggression. It can be both physical and psychological.

A victim’s story

Solange (second name withheld to protect the victim) didn’t realise that what she thought was her husband’s ‘protective’ nature would ultimately become bullying and later physical abuse until it became insufferable.

During their dating phase, Solange noticed her then-boyfriend becoming increasingly controlling as their relationship intensified. However, after they got married, things took a turn for the worse as he began reacting aggressively to minor incidents.

"Often, he would call to know where I am and who I am with, but before I knew it, he started stalking me, finding me in places I least expected him.

"One time, I decided to withhold some information from him regarding my whereabouts and that is when he went out of control. He found me in a public place with friends and reacted angrily, humiliating me in front of my friends,” Solange said.

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As time went by, her husband’s behaviour became more erratic, characterised by bullying, manipulation and later physical abuse — but no matter what happened, Solange believed he loved her and tolerated some of his actions until the abuse became too much to bear.

"My friends had warned me several times about his conduct but I often found excuses to defend him, convincing them that he loved me so much, which is why he was controlling, but little did I know that he was insecure.

"I had a male friend at work who used to help me with many things but he accused me of seeing him. I didn’t bother much to deny or prove anything, which got him even more agitated,” Solange said.

Solange’s workmate told her that her husband was sending him threatening messages, something which shocked her because he had not mentioned anything about the messages or calls to her.

One evening, her husband walked in on her and her friend doing some work at a coffee shop, and without hesitating, he got violent, attacking both of them, in everyone’s view.

Efforts to calm down her energetic husband were futile as he went into a wild rage that left even onlookers baffled. That was the last straw for Solange, and she decided she’d had enough.

Understanding IPV

According to experts, IPV is a form of GBV that is often tolerated by the victim because the abuser is an "intimate partner”. Intimate partners can refer to both current and former spouses and dating partners, which makes it more widespread and unreported.

It varies in occurrence and severity and sometimes even the victim doesn’t know when it is too much or not. Both genders can be victims. Men too can be victims. IPV is a major challenge as sometimes it can be confusing because the perpetrator wants to convince the victim that they are the ones in the wrong.

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Beyond physical abuse, IPV can also include sexual violence, where one party is forcing (or attempting to) the other to take part in a sex act, sexual touching, or a non-physical sexual event (e.g., sexting) when the partner has not consented to it.

Other types of IPV include stalking, a pattern of repeated, unwanted attention and contact by a partner that causes fear or concern for one’s own safety, or the safety of someone close to the victim.

IPV also borders on psychological aggression, where a partner uses verbal and non-verbal communication with the intent to harm a partner mentally or emotionally.

A preventable problem

Much as IPV is connected to other forms of violence and is related to serious health issues and economic consequences, it can be prevented if couples are willing to identify the signs and work on it.

According to a study done by the Centre for Disease Control (CDC), IPV is one of the most common forms of GBV because it affects millions of people around the world each year.

In the US alone, available data from 2021/22 showed that about 41 per cent of women and 26 per cent of men experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner and reported an intimate partner violence-related impact during their lifetime.

Injury, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms, concern for safety, fear, needing help from law enforcement, and missing at least one day of work are common impacts reported in the US.

It adds that over 61 million women and 53 million men have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime and it also showed that it starts early, when people are still young, which makes it persistent and tolerable.

IPV is a significant public health issue that affects millions of people worldwide, according to the World Health Organisation (WHO).

A study by WHO in 2021 showed that 1 in 3 (30 per cent) of women worldwide have been subjected to either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime.

Most of this violence is intimate partner violence. Worldwide, almost one-third (27 per cent) of women aged 15-49 years who have been in a relationship report that they have been subjected to some form of physical and/or sexual violence by their intimate partner.

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IPV can negatively affect the victim’s physical, mental, sexual, and reproductive health, and may increase the risk of acquiring HIV in some settings.

About 75 per cent of female IPV survivors and 48 per cent of male IPV survivors experience some form of injury related to IPV. It can also result in death in extreme cases.

According to Rwanda’s Demographic and Health Survey report published by the National Institute of Statistics (2019/20); 37 per cent of women and girls who are aged 15-49 had experienced physical or sexual, or psychological violence, and the majority of it coming from people who are supposed to be close to them.

The corresponding proportions among men is 30 per cent. The same report indicated that 46 per cent of ever-married women and 18 per cent of ever-married men have experienced spousal, physical, sexual, or emotional violence.

Although not as widespread, violence against men exists in Rwanda, and male victims should not be ignored.

In an interview with The New Times, Allen Cyizanye, Executive Secretary at the Gender Monitoring Office (GMO), said that domestic violence is real and is definitely a violation of human rights whether it is committed against men or women.

It is also important to note that this leads to other issues, especially in relation to children’s education, nutrition, mental health issues, and persistent poverty among others.

"Gender-based violence, particularly domestic violence, affects gender equality and empowerment because as I said earlier, it’s a violation of human rights and it’s hard to talk about gender equality or empowerment to someone whose rights are being violated.

"We believe empowering young girls and women in all aspects would contribute to the reduction of gender-based violence and more particularly domestic violence. This is because she will be able to say no to violence and also ensure that there is timely reporting when it happens,” Cyizanye said.

"It is a very big challenge because as you know, our country aspires to build stable and capable families, and for this to be realised, we should all fight against it. The public needs to know that our current NST has this as a target and all actors and citizens should contribute towards this target,” she said.

To fight it, Cyizanye suggests all members of the community should contribute their efforts, more particularly calling for the active engagement of men and boys who are game-changers in shifting power relations and are mostly trapped in the cases of GBV as perpetrators.

"Therefore, mobilising men and boys to engage in efforts to stop violence against women is important and critical on so many levels in order to challenge the negative masculinity behaviours which lead to violence.

"Integrating gender equality and women empowerment content into our school curricula, so that we empower children from a young age to mitigate violence risks as women in the future. This should also cut across to other levels of the society.”

Say no, report on time

One of the key factors in ending IPV and other forms of GBV is saying no to your partner when you realise that they are becoming abusive, and this should especially apply to women and girls, who are the most victimised.

"It’s important for women and girls to be bold enough and say no to violence and ensure that all acts leading to violence are timely reported to relevant authorities for action.

"We have Isange One-Stop centres in all districts and community awareness should be conducted to ensure that community members are aware of the services and seek them when they encounter such issues.

"At the level of the community, it’s very important to reintroduce community shaming of members in each Isibo who are known for domestic violence and this would help to prevent such issues in respective communities,” Cyizanye said.

In cases where reporting is low, local leaders can play a key role by engaging members of their community, who sometimes are aware of the abuse going on but are reluctant to report it.

A worrisome trend

Fidele Rutayisire, the Executive Director of Rwanda Men's Resource Centre (RWAMREC), said there is a need to speak about IPV and other forms of domestic violence between couples.

"Domestic violence is increasing in Rwanda; both women and men experience it, however, they experience it differently. Different research and reports indicate that the most common perpetrators of domestic violence among couples are husbands,” he said referring to the earlier quoted figures.

Rutayisire believes the root causes of domestic violence are gender and social norms and power imbalances between men and women, which is why as RWAMREC, they are working to shift intimate partners’ attitudes and behaviour by engaging couples in ending domestic violence.

They also try to promote positive behaviours like communication, positive masculinity, shared household chores, and joint decision-making. In their daily work, they face many of these cases.

"We encounter the issue of domestic violence in our daily work. That’s why to contribute to addressing this issue, RWAMREC has put in place different programmes seeking to have peaceful and healthy families in Rwanda.”

Some of these programmes include the Bandebereho Gender Equality and Women Empowerment Programme (GEWEP); the Baho Programme and others which they have implemented and have successfully helped address some of these issues.

Rutayisire said that IPV, like other forms of domestic violence, does not only affect gender equality and empowerment but also contravenes individual human rights.

"It undermines development with increasing evidence of the socio-economic costs at individual, family, community, and national levels.

"The economic costs of domestic violence include the reduced economic earning power of women and increased costs of providing services for survivors of violence. The social costs include the impact on women’s physical well-being, mental health, reproductive health, and social status,” he argues.