Editor,

RE: "Why financial stress should not ruin your dream wedding” (The New Times, November 13).

A wedding is only a ceremonial rite of passage from single to married status. The real effort and resources should be applied to making the marriage work for each other and, hopefully, all the children you will bring into the world and raise in a supportive and reasonably happy home.

People should really learn the difference between things that are essential, those that are desirable, and as importantly those that are possible within their means.

What is the point of a dream wedding that only leads to a marriage labouring under the weight of unmanageable indebtedness, debilitating money squabbles and, very soon, inexorable breakups?

That money you have blown on an expensive ceremony you can really ill-afford could have gone on a down-payment for a small plot on which you could build your future family home.

Having made that down-payment will also motivate you to begin really planning on how and when to complete the house.

And don’t worry about what others—including members of your family or your so-called close entourage—think about not giving them an occasion to show off their best finery. At the end of the day, it is a decision only you and your future spouse can take; it will be the first of hopefully very many momentous decisions you will take together in your shared life.

And once that dream house is completed and you have moved in and you no longer have to juggle your finances to pay the rent—unlike your friends who had impressive weddings but remain trapped in financial hardship arising from opting for expenses they could ill-afford—you will realise the full wisdom of your choice.

Young people planning their weddings should be advised to understand: a wedding is just one day; a marriage is hopefully for the rest of their lives. Put that way, where, do they think they should really put more of their resources and effort?

Mwene Kalinda