Following a recent Loose Talk edition that dedicated itself to describing the ugliness of the big bottle of Turbo King beer, there were some skirmishes in the story’s comments section online.

I had known about said skirmishes and, had it not been for Stephen Kalimba, a fellow journo and colleague, I wouldn’t have. Kalimba told me about the beef that a certain un-impressed and apparently aggrieved reader had with that particular article, so it’s perfectly in order to know Kalimba deeper.

Kalimba is a man with Roman Catholic looks. His facial features are perfectly symmetrical, which I find to be quite strange. Kalimba is also passionate about and plays rugby but because he’s Kalimba, he’s different in physical demeanor from the other ruggers as we know them. This in spite of the fact that he’s so serious with rugby, he rarely participates in or writes about any other sport.

The same applies to his dental formula. In fact, the pre-molars and canines and incisors on the left-hand side of Kalimba’s mandibles are the exact same shape and size as those to the opposite side.

For the rest of most of us, the alignment of the facial features is usually slanted towards the left or right side of the face.

For my case, every feature on my face is slightly slanted to the left, all the way down to the chest, stomach compartments, hip bones, down to the knees.

So in my honest opinion, this guy should be chased away from The New Times because he does not belong in the newsroom.

He is a mannequin.

Anyway, what that reader with beef that Kalimba told me about does not know is that Loose Talk is supposed to live up to its name ,to be just that –Loose Talk. It’s not supposed to be so different in content and style of delivery as bar talk.

Loose Talk’s primary duty is supposed to be to elicit divided and sharply contrasting opinions from you after you are through with the tedious and hectic process of reading it.

Readers of Loose Talk ought to fall under two distinct categories; There should be this category who after reading it, should fly off into a rage and angrily tear the newspaper into pieces.

They should follow this with such exclamations and curse words as; "Hell no!” and "not again!” and "just why does The New Times continue to waste its valuable time and resources on this idiot?”

On the other hand, there should be another category of people who, after reading Loose Talk, should go into world-oblivious joy and contentment, like a child suckling away at the mother’s breast, eyes closed.

This should then be followed by the chanting of congratulatory phrases like; Big up to yard man. Teach them.

Preach to them. Wise them. Make them know it. Give them a run and give them a jump. More fire. More life. More blessings. Keep it locked to Loose Talk.