Help others, and they will help you

It is extremely uncomfortable to find out that your friend’s partner is cheating on them,leaving you wondering whether to tell them or not.

There is a chance that they, for lack of a better phrase, "fall in love badly”, and get too attached. I’m talking about that love where their whole world revolves around that person and news like this could very well send them down a dangerous path.

They could easily drown their sorrow in alcohol or perhaps threaten to do some damage – to themselves and others.

Hard as this is, it doesn’t change the fact that the right thing to do is to tell them, regardless of the consequences.

University of Denver psychology graduate Kayla Knopp studied 484 adults aged 18 to 35 and found out that those who admitted to having sexual relations outside their relationship were three and a half times more likely to do so in their next relationship.

With this in mind, isn’t it only fair to tell the person you care about that they are living a lie?

In relation to the same study, HIV/AIDS is real. If a partner is most likely to do it again, who knows – what if they keep cheating, contract an STD and bring it to the person you care about? How would that make you feel? Save your friend from the cheating partner.

They say the earlier the better. A cheating spouse sometimes puts their guilt out on the family. A man might mistreat his wife because he found love with a 25-year-old.

Every single day you keep that crucial information, your friend is hurting.Their children (if they have any) should not suffer because of this.

The second I find out, I won’t be at peace and no matter how many times I tell myself that it isn’t my business, I won’t rest.

Why should I punish myself so to cover for a cheat or not hurt my friend? It’s better I clear my conscience and deal with the problems I also have.

It’s likely that you might be mistaken, or your friend might already know and was trying to deal with it. But it’s okay, at least your friend will know you care. If the friend calls you a hater instead, take heart, when the truth finally comes out, and it always does, your friend will come around.

patrick.buchana@newtimes.co.rw

No. It’s none of my business

There are many things that cause unbearable pain and one of them is trusting someone with your heart only for them to go around playing with it. So how does this connect to whether I would tell my friend if I found out that their partner was cheating? Well, it’s simple. I refuse to be the bearer of bad news and seriously speaking, it is none of my business. Before you question where my loyalty lies, please hear me out.

Trust and honesty are extremely important to me and I’d like to think my friends wouldn’t stand by and let me be duped and ridiculed if I ever found myself in such a dilemma. I have made it clear over and over again to whoever cares to listen that I would want to know the truth. But that’s me. How do I know that someone else would want that too?

Most people will tell you that what you don’t know doesn’t hurt. Others will tell you that such relationships are ‘heat of the moment’ based and they eventually fizzle out. I think each friendship has its boundaries. If my friend has not interfered with my personal life, it is my duty to return the favour.

I have seen people play the "truth” card only for it to backfire. When someone cheats or has an affair, we always want someone we care about to cut his or her losses and move on because we tend to believe "once a cheat, always a cheat” but try to imagine the strain and awkwardness when the couple decides to "work on their relationship”. There have been cases where your friend actually knows or was suspecting that the partner is having an affair and is hurt, angry and humiliated that you "went poking into her business”.

There are also instances where your friend is in denial and actually doesn’t believe a word you say. Do you have screenshots, photos, and recordings to back up what you know as opposed to his or her partner’s denial?

If there is one thing that life has taught me, it is the fact that you really never know people well enough and when it comes to couples, you most definitely can never know what happens behind closed doors. We all want to do the right thing but doing the right thing doesn’t feel so great when it results into hurt. My advice; let sleeping dogs lie.

nashbishumba@gmail.com