Puberty is arguably the most difficult period in a child’s life. Many a parent dread this parenting stage. One day you have a lively and cheerful little girl and the next, a moody adolescent who seems to have more fun locked up in her room alone.
Puberty is arguably the most difficult period in a child’s life. Many a parent dread this parenting stage. One day you have a lively and cheerful little girl and the next, a moody adolescent who seems to have more fun locked up in her room alone.
When Josephine Nzasenga’s daughter, Andrea, turned 13, she slowly changed from a carefree little girl who told her everything to someone with mood swings and cravings for privacy. Her daughter had hit puberty- a stage, she says put them at loggerheads.
"My daughter started showing signs of unreasonable behaviour. It wasn’t easy handling the situation but I was patient and talked to her calmly about what she was experiencing and the reason behind the sudden changes,” Nzasenga says.
According to teens.webmd.com, puberty is nature’s way of transforming a child into an adult, all for the sake of reproduction. While both girls and boys go through puberty, girls reach puberty and sexual maturity at earlier ages than boys do.
Joyce Kirabo, a counselor, says puberty is a stage that needs to be well handled by parents, most importantly by understanding what their daughters are going through.
She explains that a girl changes both physically and emotionally when in puberty and this affects her behaviour.
"Changes in the girl’s body go along with behavioural change, they become so sensitive and their self-esteem is quite advanced. A girl also associates more with the opposite sex, therefore she needs someone close for guidance,” Kirabo says.
Girls at this stage are easily lured into mistakes that could affect their lives forever. Unplanned pregnancies or acquiring sexually transmitted diseases are sometimes a result.
Kirabo advises parents to be logical when dealing with girls at this stage.
"Parents should be strict but soft at the same time, not going to extreme measures to handle the situation. They should be able to reprimand their kids when they go astray and at the same time understand the ordeal and be supportive,” the counselor says.
According to Dr. Laura Markham, a trained clinical psychologist, the parents’ job at this stage is to meet their kids’ emotional needs at each stage of their development so they can advance to the demands of the next stage.
She advises parents to always spend time together with their children, whether it is five minutes at bedtime or washing the dishes together, parents have to make sure they have time to connect with their teenage children every day as this will help them understand them better.
"In teen years, everything we’ve done right and wrong comes into sharp focus. If we’ve accepted our child’s dependency needs and affirmed her development into her own separate person, she’ll stay fiercely connected to us even as her focus shifts to peers, high school and the passions that make her soul sing,” she says.
Dr. Rachna Pande, a specialist in internal medicine in Ruhengeri hospital, explains puberty as a slow transition from childhood to adulthood.
Girls usually hit puberty earlier than boys, around 13 years or so. It may be a bit early or late, depending on one’s genetic makeup, hormonal levels, nutritional status, presence or absence of any hormonal disorder.
She explains some of the changes that are bound to happen in girls such as an increase in height and weight.
One notices increase in size of the thighs and buttocks. Breast development may be the first sign of puberty.
Gradually, a girl starts to notice the presence of hair over the genital parts and armpits. Beginning of menstruation is yet another sign of puberty.
"A girl needs to be taught thoroughly during puberty. First is counseling about the physical changes. She should take them as normal changes of life, not something to be embarrassed about.
"Another is about menstruation; a girl should understand it to be a normal part of life and as a woman, she should know the importance of good hygiene during these days, failing to maintain it could result into the risk of pelvic infections,” she says.
Dr. Pande points out that the most important thing is counseling a pubertal adolescent girl about certain needs as safe sex, due to hormonal changes; she is naturally drawn to males. Some gullible men try to exploit vulnerable young girls by getting them into sexual relations; these girls risk themselves to being exposed to sexually transmitted diseases, HIV, Hepatitis B and C, unwanted pregnancy and carcinoma cervix later in life.
Amos Furaha, a project manager and a counselor at Live Again Rwanda, is also of the view that parents shouldn’t be harsh but rather considerate as this stage is hard for the children too.
"Girls at this stage are innocent and know little of what happens in the real world. They need guidance. They struggle to find their identity so anyone can take advantage of them and that’s why parents should be considerate and understanding,” Furaha says.
He advises parents to take caution when helping their daughters discover their true identity and prepare them for a promising future.
What teens say
Sixteen-year-old Julienne Uwizeye says going through puberty was one of the toughest experiences.
Her father passed away when she was five, so her mother solely handled the rebellious child she had turned into.
"I was spinning out of control but I was lucky that my mother is a patient person, she helped me understand what I was going through, my new feelings for the opposite sex,” Uwizeye says.
She adds that the advice helped her a lot as some of her fellow girls ended up pregnant and dropped out of school because of their uncontrolled behaviour.
Jovia Uwamariya, a 19-year-old says her experience with puberty was confusing and hard to deal with.
"When I hit puberty, I felt like I had grown and didn’t need my parents anymore. I felt independent and was always opposing my parents. It wasn’t easy for my parents but we managed to pull through,”Uwamariya says.
She adds that parents should endeavour to understand what their daughters are going through as this will help them deal with the new experience.
"Some parents are too strict which I think only adds salt to injury, if a child is rebellious, hitting, cursing them or extreme punishment will not solve anything. Parents need to understand that the stage is hard for us too, hence their support and advice is needed,” Uwamariya says.
What parents say
Yvette Iyamuremye, a mother of two teenage daughters, says the experience with adolescents is the most trying one in the field of parenting.
"My daughters were solely raised by me as their father passed away years back, it was hard but now it’s even tougher because they are no longer kids. They only want to do what they want, which is standing in front of the mirror trying to look attractive for the opposite sex.”
Iyamuremye says that talking to them would help if they could only listen, but they don’t and get angry when she tries to show them right from wrong.
Iyamuremye is not the only parent having a hard time dealing with teens. Jeff Ntambara, a husband and father with two teenage daughters is also having his fair share of adolescent drama.
He says, "Raising a child is tough enough, but when puberty kicks in, the trouble doubles. My daughters always endeavour to do the exact opposite of what I say. When you blame them they get angry and react in disrespectful ways which is demeaning to us as parents.”
However, he advises parents to always handle children, especially girls, with care as they are susceptible to temptation which could result in misfortunes that could affect their lives.
"In puberty a girl’s future is on the verge, therefore being close to her and understanding what she is going through helps her a lot,” Ntambara says.
*************************************
How to cope with puberty as a girl
There is nothing wrong with going through puberty. It’s natural. It can be hard to deal with puberty alone when you first start, if you don’t know what it is or how to deal with it, and handle the thought of it itself..
First bra.You should buy a bra when you feel ready. If you feel ready for a bra, ask your mom, friend, sister or another trusted female to go shopping with you for one. If you feel confident enough you could even go by yourself. The average age to start wearing a bra is 11. But, every girl is different.
Deal with sweat. As girls’ bodies develop during puberty, so does their sweat glands. These glands are to help control the body’s temperature and result in more sweat being produced. The best way to reduce the risk of smelling is to wash and change your clothes regularly and perhaps use antiperspirant deodorant under your arms.
Handle shaving. If you feel you want to start shaving or you want to experiment, ask an older, experienced female to buy you a good quality razor. You may try shaving once and never want to do it again, or you may take a different attitude and start doing it every couple of days! If you’re using a razor for the first time, you should ask an adult to supervise you. Be careful when you’re shaving, especially your private parts which are more sensitive to cuts.
Mood swings. Girls may experience sudden changes in feelings during puberty. Feelings can swing backwards and forwards and you may feel like laughing at one moment and crying the next. Sudden mood changes are partly caused by the increasing amount of hormones in the body. Talking to a friend or someone you trust can help to relieve your feelings. If at school, bottle up your emotions. Mood changes are only temporary, and will settle down with time.
Acne. Almost everybody has zits at some time during their life, and most young people get pimples around puberty. Washing your face more often with mild soap and warm water may help, but be careful not to scrub your face as this can irritate the skin. It is especially important to wash your face thoroughly if you have been using make-up or sunscreen. Oils from your hair can also cause blemishes, so keeping your hair clean and out of your face can help.
Your first period. You can begin to expect your period when you see creamy discharge in your panties. A girl can expect this about six months to two years before her first period. It’s basically cleaning your vagina and nothing to worry about. When you notice this, you should begin to carry pads around with you and keeping them in your locker/bag for school ready so on the big day you’ll be prepared!
Period cramps.The period pains have arrived. Don’t worry; these vary from girl to girl. They can be nonexistent, a minor annoyance or make you take the whole day off school/work. Prepare yourself with a hot water bottle, chocolate, some comfy loose clothing and ask someone to buy you some over the counter pain killers to help you. If you’re at school and the pain gets bad, go to the girls’ bathroom and take a breather. If this doesn’t help, go to the nurse and she may give you something for it or send you home.
Emotionally getting older. Crushes will take you by surprise and hit you like a bus. It’s a wonderful feeling and your first step to love!
Agencies
*******************************
I say: How should parents handle puberty?
Grace Kantarama, student
Parents need to know that adolescent teenagers can sometimes act rebellious, thus they need to handle them with caution so that they pass through the period with ease. In my opinion, parents have to understand that their children are growing up and have the right to privacy. What is not good is giving them too much freedom which might lead to trouble. Adolescents need to be guided with a lot of attention and care.
Charlity Mutuyimana, high school graduate
I expect a parent with a child going through puberty to be understanding about the situation. The period forces some to seek for attention and freedom. A parent is supposed to listen to them and advise them accordingly without being authoritative or judgmental; this gives them confidence that a parent is in tune with their development hence opening up to suggestions on how to deal with the issue.
Florantine Nyiraneza, merchant
We all know how frustrating this period can be so as parents, we have to be positive and tolerant of the situation and offer an ear where needed. Teenagers need a lot of counseling in this period, mainly since they’re attracted to the opposite sex. As a parent you need to guide your daughter in such a way that any decisions made on her part will not yield regret in the future. Approach is vital.
Valeri Mucyeshimana, student
Adolescence is a period when a teenager needs her parents’ help more than ever; but since many are shy and some parents are not easily approachable, it becomes hard to communicate. Parents have to take the lead and talk to their adolescent teenager, share their own experience when they were in adolescence and encourage them to work hard and use their time productively. This, eventually, builds the teenager’s self-esteem and helps them make mature decisions.
Compiled by Dennis Agaba