It’s lights and action. The right to the remote and popcorn returns to the table of men. The European soccer season returns, and so does this column. The Predictor uses form and team stats to try and generate variables.

If you are a punter, just don’t fill your betting slip with all the games in The Predictor column and expect to give the Indian nightmares; it won’t happen. What a good punter can do is read between the lines and see the excitement. At the end the day, this column is not for betting but just for the fun of it. Let’s go.

SATURDAY

Man United 1-1 SPURS  1.45pm

Depay, Young, Herrera, Pereira, Blind, Mata, Schweinsteiger, Schneiderlin and Carrick. Only Fellaini is injured. By the look of it, Tottenham Hotspur could be in for another 3-0 drubbing like last season at the same venue. But then again, football is not all about midfield. Up front, the Philosopher who sold Angel Di Maria only has Rooney as a striker with Wilson for a backup. Javier Hernandez is not fit. Then there is the matter of United’s rear-guard. Last season, Van Gaal spent a lot of time dismantling the attacking prowess and flair of United. The Dutchman has wasted no time this season is shaking up the backline by declaring shot stopper David De Gea is too distracted by speculation over his future to give his all to the team against a Spurs side that has been silent in the summer. If Spurs can push their luck like Swansea did in last season’s opener, they will fetch a pon back home.

Bournemouth 2-1 Villa4pm

The story of Aston Villa is summed up in their survival last season after replacing Paul Lambert with Tim Sherwood and their loss of Fabian Delph and Christian Benteke this summer. The story of the Cherries is Cinderella. Straight from League Two, they topped League One and joined Championship. The club that four seasons ago was being written off before Maxim Demin rescued them went on to top the Championship straight away. Can Eddie Howe threaten the premier league too? No. But can he beat Villa? Yes.

EVERTON   3-1 WATFORD   4pm

Everton had a start to forget last season, but this could be a different story if Roberto Martinez marshals his stooges to stand up to be counted. Hornets boss Quique Flores is a man with an open mind who does not expect much from this fixture.

Leicester    0-2 S’LAND    4pm

Mr Tinkerman Claudio Ranieri, to me the worst manager in football history, is currently the man tasked with messing up Leicester City’s swansong finish to last season with the passion Nigel Pearson had instilled in them. Ranieri is a man who hardly gets his lineup right and this will be a straight forward win for the Black Cats under Dick Advocaat. The Foxes would start a run for their survival on the very opening day, unless, of course, Mr Tinkerman gets all pundits to eat their punditry.

 NORWICH    1-2   PALACE   4pm

The Canneries needed a playoff against Middlesbrough to return to the Premier League but they will need to get on the go straight away against the Eagles if they will have a chance of staying up. With some good opening fixtures, Norwich only needs a win over Palace, but then Alan Pardew is not a man on a mission to have a slow start.

CHELSEA    1-2    SWANSEA 5.30pm

This is from deep in my gut feeling. Chelsea are the champions but the Blues have been out of ideas in the pre-season. Diego Costa is still struggling for fitness and yet the Blues have made no signing for automatic start.

The loan deal for Radamel Falcao, a Colombian riding on past glory to continue withdrawing fat pay by false pretense might return to haunt Mourinho, a man who has failed to make the most of Fernando Torres, Adrian Mutu, Andriy Shevchenko and a host of other top strikers. Falcao or Loic Remy can start but that might not change much in this Chelsea side. Only Fabregas and Hazard are worth the time.

ARSENAL    4-0    W. Ham  2.30pm

Arsenal are most likely going to run out of choices for this first fixture against a side they perennially beat to pulp at The Emirates. It’s going to be so easy that Wenger might afford the luxury of not even bothering to test the fitness of Alexis Sanchez who finally returned to work this week from a long vacation after the Copa America final. West Ham are coming off a trip in Romania where Slaven Bilic fielded a weakened side against Astra Giurgiu and got the exact punishment he wanted. They might have rested their stars, but against Arsenal, Bilic might need his Croatian magic to manage anything.

NEWCASTLE    1-2   SAINTS 3.30pm

Newcastle’s Steve McClaren is an old broom of the English league compared to Ronald Koeman, but after the Dutchman fought off all the naysayers with a great season, he will just need to build further. The Saints have lost Morgan Schneiderlin and Nathaniel Clyne this season but that will be just like the season before. A draw at St James Park or a win will be a good start for the Saints.

STOKE    0-2    LIVERPOOL 5pm

It is still whizzing 6-1 in the ears of a bunch of Liverpool players after that their worst league defeat in 56 years came at the end of the season at Britannia. Liverpool have boosted their squad in the summer and the arrival of Christian Benteke will be the turning point but it remains to be seen what approach Brendan Rodgers can bring to the game.

MONDAY

WEST BROM    1-2    CITY    9pm

Tony Pulis is a good manager. He has been pain to City and might just continue inflicting more pain to them at The Hawthorns on Monday. City have a squad to talk home about, but lead striker Sergio Aguero is not fit and Edin Dzeko has lost his mojo and wants out. But the sky-blue side of Manchester have the services of Raheem Sterling to add to the glamour of their midfield firepower. Although Yaya Toure is 50-50 to play, he might not be missed if the boys put behind their age and make Manuel Pellegrini celebrate signing contract extension with a win. At worst, it should be a draw but a win is the most likely result for the visitors.

Seaman is a Liverpool fan