I find it's hard to  develop or maintain successful relationships, including romantic relationships, family relationships and friendships? Please advise.                         

Fina

Dear Fina,

Just like any other relationship, friendships require hard work, understanding and commitment not only to attain, but also to maintain and help them grow. Good friends are hard to find – and even harder to keep. If we have no mates, it could be because enduring friendships require care and humility. These are not merely useful attributes. They are the heart and soul of friendship. To achieve this;

Be yourself. When you pursue hobbies and activities you enjoy, you have a good chance of meeting people with similar interests.  Be persistent. Apply similar (but less romantic) tactics when pursuing a potential friend. Set a goal. It might sound superficial, but the next time you go to a party, tell yourself you want to leave with new friends. That way, you’ll be more open to meeting people and starting in-depth conversations.

Maintaining relationships

Show appreciation. Don’t take them for granted. Show interest in your friends’ life and you will have a friend who shows interest in you as well. Be a good listener. When your friends talk to you about something that’s going on in their lives, really listen. Good relationships are built on communication.

Build trust. This seems simple, but you have to both constantly show each other that you can be trusted and depended on as friends. Don’t gossip about your friend. Gossip spreads quickly, and you do not want to hurt your friend’s feelings and damage the relationship and keep secrets safe. Keep your promises, even if it’s something as small as showing up when you are supposed to meet.

Have fun together. Do things that you both enjoy. Though it may not be fun, these are situations where a real friend has to step in and be there. Handle arguments maturely. When you and your friend have a conflict, don’t lash out and yell at them instead, talk about your problems calmly and listen to both sides of the story. Maintain contact. If a friend moves to a different school or workplace, that doesn’t mean the friendship has to end.

The writer is a counsellor

YOUR COUNSEL

David Nsime               

I also had a similar problem some time back.As a staunch Christian, I always opposed almost everything my friends said. Consequently, I lost every friend I had. It was not until one friend advised me to be more accommodative of other people’s views that things changed for the better.

Getrude Busingye          

You need to go and see a counselor because that can affect your academic life and future. I’m sure the counsellor will advise you on how to go about it.

Mackline Tumuhamireho  

Not having friends is not healthy but it can be solved. You need to first know the kind of friends you need and where you can meet them. Also check your conduct and see if it might need to be improved. Also, keep an open mind.

Robert Mwemezi            

You might be your own problem my sister. You need to examine yourself and see what you might not be doing well. How come you cannot keep friends? Is everyone a difficult person to work with or you are the one who is complicated? You need to sit back and think about how you conduct yourself while with others.