The smart ones 

Public universities don’t have a clue about the right to privacy for a student’s results. They just bring all exam papers and throw them at the class chief for him/her to distribute them. You don’t want your girlfriend to notice that you got half her marks. She was definitely reading while you went to bed like a proper loser.

The slow ones

"Which company do you want to do internship at?” a friend asked and I answered, "There is a company that sells computers, phones and tablets, I think I would like to intern there.” Then after a few seconds of silence, she said, "That company isn’t serious, how can they sell gadgets and medicine?”

The saved ones

Hug her for too long and she will shout, "Go away Satan.” You ask her to come over to your place and she will send a Bible verse. You spend two months in that relationship and you’ll automatically be ordained as a priest.

The closed minded ones

Have you ever met someone so green that all she talks about is soap operas, local Rwandan music and campus gossip? You try to talk about something sensible to get an alternative sense of thought and she is talking about the Nigerian movie she watched. She only looks as far as her mind goes. You can’t have a sensible conversation with her, let alone share a joke, because she won’t get it.

The idle ones

You can try to avoid all the above but make like a banana and split when faced with an idle campus girl. The worst are the ones on WhatsApp. They will text you until your battery shuts down. And nothing sensible; they just forward all kinds of useless pictures, write a lot of things that aren’t even funny and expect you to be equally eager to reply to them.

The stalkers

You meet and the first thing she wants is to go through your phone. She goes through the pictures, calls, text messages and WhatsApp chat. Try to resist handing over your phone and she will scream about how big a cheat you are.

I haven’t forgotten the promiscuous ones; I need a whole page for those ones.

campusinspector@newtimes.co.rw