I live with my hubby’s sister who is in her form six vacation. She is 18 years old, well behaved and respectful. Last month she told me she wanted to talk to me about something but was shy to do so. So I gave her time.

Recently, I asked her about it when we were alone. She said she needed guidance and that she wanted to start family planning because she has a boyfriend (who is the same age) that she loves. The boy however seems to be the one pressuring her because I believe she is a virgin.

She seems so naïve about this stuff and I know it is not right for her to get into something like this at her age. But I understand teenage love all too well and fear that she might do something stupid because she doesn’t want to lose the guy. She asked me not to tell her brother.

How can I go about this? 

Susan

The counselor’s thoughts...

Dear Susan, faced with this kind of dilemma, your immediate intervention is crucially needed to save your sister-in-law from the imminent troubles of premarital sex, use of contraceptives and the future devastating troubles. Sit down with her and explain the dangers of these practices. 

Save from life-threatening dangers like HIV/Aids and of course issues like unwanted pregnancies, there is also the fact that all birth-control methods have failure modes like weight gain or loss, irregular or regular bleedings, increased risk of cervical and breast cancers etcetera.

Explain that by doing this; her life will be tangled in a series of immoral and unethical acts that may ruin her life. She’s not missing out on anything; tell her the consequences of premarital sex using real examples. Let her understand that sex and its full potential can only be fully appreciated if she gets an honest and complete understanding of how it’s involved with love.

Encourage her to stay a virgin because this will always be a permanent and tremendous source of trust for her future marriage. Some men are on the search to break this record and later dump the girls.

True love waits. If this boy loves her genuinely, then he should wait till marriage. Sex with young people affects their psychological, social and academic development. This is because their mental ability to deal with that explosive drive is still low and tends to dominate their lives. 

A fulfilling sex life needs the security, peace and love nest of marriage. A knife given to a criminal can inflict pain or even kill, but to a doctor it can save lives. Use such analogies to explain that, if she gives in to sex in such a petty relationship, it will destroy her but if she preserves it for marriage, it will yield the most pleasant experiences she will ever explore in her life!

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Your feedback: Readers advise Susan

Earn her trust and she will confide in you

Josephine Tumukunde

Talk to her more often. The more conversations you have, the less shy she will be. If you are open to discussion, she will trust you eventually; enough to tell you what is going in her life and you can then influence her decisions. Furthermore, tell her that her body has value, she should keep it safe.

Teach her to value herself

Esperance Mujyawamariya

As an adult, it’s your job to teach this young girl the importance of self-worth. Teenagers who value themselves won’t need to give in to other people’s immoral choices. Show her that the moment she has sex with her boyfriend, is the moment her value is destroyed.

Warn her about potential danger

David Ntagwabira

A boy who loves a girl won’t pressure her to have sex, thus, it’s obvious that this boy aims at destroying the poor girl’s future. As an adult, tell her about sex at such a young age and its forthcoming disaster. More so, tell her that in the end, she will be the one to suffer the consequences. She should say no.

The boy is up to no good

Patrick Rukundo

It is obvious that the only thing the boy wants from her is sex. Tell her to deny her boyfriend that, and if the boy loves her, he will stay with her. If he breaks up with her then she will know that he wasn’t the right person to date.

Tell her to be proud of her virginity

Akilla Jackie

It is good that she is still a virgin; show her that virginity has value. Teach her to be proud of her virginity; the relationship will end and a new and better one will begin. But not her virginity – it will never come back.

Compiled by Dennis Agaba

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She should value her life

Maxime Cyubahiro

Teach her that her life depends on how she takes care of her body. If she starts to engage in sexual activities at such a young age, she is likely to get distracted from great goals and objectives in life.

Guide her like a parent

Becky muteteri

That’s how girls get spoiled; but the good thing is that she came to you, so you can guide her like a parent would. Forbid her from having sex, explain to her that even family planning has its consequences and is not a good option. Also, explain the importance of staying a virgin at her age.

She needs the Lord’s guidance

Ingabire Maria

Tell your sister-in-law to pray and be more like the Virgin Mary. Was there ever a woman more beautiful and dignified than the Mother of Jesus? Purity of mind, purity of body, and purity of heart is key. As an adult, talk to her about the benefits of staying a virgin till her wedding day. Prayer will help her stay strong too.

The boy is looking for fun

Yanick Kwitonda

Advise her to give value and priority to important things such as education and career. We all know the boy is going to disappear when things go wrong. Talk to her more often and this will give you a way to make good decisions for her.

Let her focus on education

Sharon K

There are things she should be focusing on now; for instance, finding a job and setting her career goals before joining campus. We all know the impact of a girl engaging in sexual activities when still young. She will lose focus and as her guardian, that’s not something you should let her take for granted. Influence her decisions.

She will get into trouble

Robert Kwizera

Family planning may not work out and this may result into several unwelcome consequences like pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. This will affect her future, so as an elder that’s what you need to make clear to her.

Understand her situation

Elizabeth Mutoni

Young relationships are not easy and even if you stop her or counsel her about the dangers of early sex, she will still do it, mainly because the boy has more influence on her than you. In my opinion, guide her through the family planning method and encourage her to always have protected sex.

Talk to the boy

Joana Umwiza

It is obvious that she loves the boy and is ready to risk her life for him. In my opinion, the best thing to do is to ask her to introduce you to the boy and use this opportunity to convince the boy to have a safe relationship with her. Show them both that there are far greater things to enjoy in a relationship than sex. Kindly talk to the boy as well.