I need help. I’m 31 and I believe I’m running out of time to get married and have a family. I have been with my girlfriend for four years. I like her and she is a beautiful person and dedicated to me. We live together and she is a very special person.

However, I just recently met a girl that I had a sexual relationship with. She completely drives me crazy and I can’t stop thinking about her. This new girl told me to erase her phone number because I was never going to break up with my girlfriend. This girl has a lot of qualities I like, plus, when I see her I get butterflies in my stomach.

What should I do? Break up with my girlfriend or forget this girl ever happened and get married to my girlfriend? I would highly appreciate your opinion.

Julius

The counselor’s thoughts...

You won’t be getting into the relationship with a clean slate, and that will put stress on it from the start. You say you love and care for your girlfriend. If you are concerned about hurting her with the truth, now hear this: you are already hurting her with your lies! So why continue in this dishonest, half-hearted way? I believe it’s time for you to be up-front, and at least respect your girlfriend enough to be honest with her.

Firstly, you must get clear on what you want. Explore your options, thoughts, and feelings out loud with both of these women, and know that although you put it all at risk by doing so, you also increase the chances of getting STDs plus losing your integrity. You may even end up losing everything. You can always "do nothing”, wait, and hope things will work out, because hope is an experience independent of circumstances. I don’t recommend that. I recommend telling the truth, being honest to your girl friend and taking bold action.

It sounds like being together with her is the fulcrum around which you have made your choice already and that is good of you. However, by cheating on your girl friend, your situation is already messy, and the sooner you start being honest, the better your chances of saving anything worth saving. Whether you believe it or not, your spouse will likely be devastated by your decision which is based on lust other than real love. Learn to focus your romantic feelings on the silver that you already have known practically through thick and thin than the one that you have seen only on one side.

She is such a special girl who has patiently seen you through ups and downs; there is no justification to disappoint her. How would you feel if she did the same to you? Try working to see the positive in your current relationship. Do the right thing. Good luck!

*************************

Your feedback: Readers advise Julius

You are so immature

Cathy Munezero

So every time someone else comes along you will have sex with them and drop the old one? I like that you stated your age; that alone should tell you how to act before you even ask questions. You are still immature; don’t run into marriage until you are mature enough.

You need spiritual guidance

Frank Kalisa

You just cheated on someone you dated for four years. I would suggest you quickly seek Jesus, otherwise there is no need to marry someone and live with them yet you have eyes for another.

You have commitment issues

Phillipe Gishoma

The right question should be, "What should I do to be content with my girlfriend whom I have dated for 4 years.” You need to commit before we can advise you to move on or stay.

Think about your happiness

Mama Ngabire Shimuwiteka

The person you choose is the person you will live with for the rest of your life. Make sure it is a wise choice based on who makes you happy. Sometimes you have to hurt some people to be happy.

Don’t rush into anything

Yannick Byishimo

The fact that you cheated means you aren’t happy. Just don’t make a habit of it and fail to settle down considering the age you are right now. Also make sure the lady isn’t there for just the sex.

You will lose someone great

Emmaculet Nyirakigeri

I believe you have built a lot in four years. You are 31 and will need more time to know this new lady. I suggest you apologise to your girlfriend and remember this always; you never know what you have until you lose it. 

Vox pop by P. Buchana

****************

FACEBOOK:

You are so greedy

Patrick K

Men like you are the reason women generalise us as unfaithful! You have a perfectly fine woman whom you actually claim is special but because you had sex with another, you are now not sure if she is the one for you? You don’t deserve any woman if you ask me.

Your girl deserves better

Kristine Diomande

You are already cheating, just go ahead with it. She deserves someone better than you. Move on with the new one.

She will cheat on you too

Joshua Opio

If she can sleep with you when you are dating someone else, I think you are in for someone that will cheat on you too.

Be content with what you have

Mark Townboy Sebacuzi

You definitely won’t marry the most beautiful girl in town but you have to be content with what you have.

Figure out what you want

Esther Arot

You might end up having baby daddies equal to the number of children if you don’t settle down and understand what you want.

You will be disappointed

Albert King

One simple formula – better to stay with the devil you know than the angel you don’t know.

Grow up

Steven Sekyanzi

You need much more than advice. You need to grow up and act like a real man, not a boy.

You only live once

Jonathan B

My friend, life is too short to waste it wondering who to date. If you are not happy with the one you have, leave. If the next one turns out to be a disappointment, well, find another.

Please send comments and stories to womentoday@newtimes.co.rw or visit our Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/NewTimesWomenToday?ref=hl