Dear Counselor,

My boyfriend of 3 years left last week for a work seminar in Europe. He left with his boss who he has a big crush on yet his boss is married with kids.Although I love him, he is kind of selfish and he can be verbally and emotionally abusive when he thinks I’m nagging him. However, these days i don’t really do anything to annoy him, so our relationship is fine. Since he left, he contacted me once but I have since not heard from him again.

He hasn’t logged onto Skype, Facebook, Whatsapp or Viber. I sent him a couple of text messages and emails but he hasn’t responded to any of my messages. I am worried that he might be cheating on me; he used to say that he would sleep with his boss if he got a chance, because she is so sexy. I thought he was messing around with me, making me jealous but I’m now scared. Images of him sleeping with his boss keep popping up in my head and they drive me insane. What should I do? 

Jennifer Mbabazi

The counselor’s thoughts...

Dear Jennifer Mbabazi,

Every woman deserves genuine love from her man in its pure nature without division or installments.

Unconditional love flourishes in so many ways and this should be manifested in his level of care and concern about what pleases her woman and avoiding what often seems to hurt her. When you date for some time, trouble may show its ugly face in the form of an extramarital affair. If that happens, you need to be prepared starting off with knowing how to identify signs he is cheating. Your boyfriend’s conduct doesn’t in any case portray actions of a true and faithful lover. 

The most startling event is when he openly testifies to you about his romantic attraction to his boss because she is sexy. Imagine he says this without fear of whether it may hurt you by virtue of being his girlfriend. Thisis pathetic! There’s nothing worse than being betrayed by someone you truly love and trust. He is playing around with your intelligence and taking you for granted. This explains why he is always rude to you whenever you try to ask him about his extra marital relationships with other females. He already expressed his interest in his boss, and now they travelled abroad together and to make matters worse, he becomes a poor communicator by taking forever to get in touch with you.

In the long run, there comes a point where you have to ask yourself if you want to keep feeding on the pain or do you want to let it go. Under all circumstances, you should let go of this boy and learn to independently live off his memories. You’re lucky his true character has been manifested early enough probably before you would fully commit yourself to him as a wife.

He is the kind that wouldn’t bring you happiness and tranquility in your future marriage. He will soon face devastating trouble when he looses both the love and job. Worse still, he might get fire from his boss’s husband and he will desperately remember to get back to you when it is too late. You have a much brighter future with a worthy lover who was made for you than you really could imagine. It is a matter of time.

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Your feedback: Readers advise Jennifer

Move on and find someone else

David Ndikumana

The guy is not into her so the girl should move on and find a person who reciprocates her love for him and she mentioned that the boyfriend likes beating her and abusing her but a real man does not do that.

Leave him alone

Aphrodis Habineza

Let her leave the guy because he is not showing her any affection, and the issue of the man being violent with her is so gross. Can you imagine getting married to such a guy? She should rethink her position and find someone who respects her.

Pray for him to change

Emmanuel Munyeshyaka

She should pray for her man, maybe he will come around and change his attitude. She also talk to him about it if she actually wants to know what is going wrong in their relationship.

What are you waiting for?

Brigitte Kamaraba

What is she waiting for, the girl should pray so much that she gets over the guy because she may trust him and he breaks her heart.

Please be patient

Gloria Kibamba

The girl should be patient and if she is really in love, she should work for it and quit putting negative thoughts in her mind.

Compiled by A. Agaba

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Talk to the guy to establish the truth

Portia Uwase

I think she should talk to the guy and ask for the truth about the matter. After ascertaining if he still likes her or not, then she can get her answer from there but it seems the guy doesn’t respect her.

Don’t panic to act

Alice Nzaramba

She should take her time and find out what exactly is happening. If she finds out the boss is having an affair with her guy, it would be better for her to decide whether she wants to continue with such a relationship or whether she call it quits.

Stop wasting time with this guy

Jeanette Ingabire

The girl is wasting time with this guy, she should break up with him and find a person who will treat her nicely.

Demand respect

Ezra Muhinda

Are you serious? With all due respect, you know he likes her, but does he like you is the question you should be asking yourself. He is blatantly disrespectful and what kind of a woman boss sleeps with her subordinate? You sound like a very passive woman in the way you are handling it. Don’t be a doormat, demand respect!

Tell him to respect your wishes

Gift Mwiza

Let him know that his relationship should be more work-related. He will most likely be defensive and say nothing is going on. But, tell him that his extra efforts outside of the work environment make you feel uncomfortable. Therefore, ask him to respect your wishes and cut down on the behaviour that makes you uncomfortable.

Leave him and find someone else

Omar Niyonkuru

It is said that, love a person who loves you back because the person you want to get with may have another person on his mind. So I would advise the girl to move on and find a suitable partner who will appreciate her.