Although I’ve been writing for a while now and although I’ve never dropped a hit single, I would rather be taught how to write but nobody should ever try and teach me music. The reason is simple: I’m a music pro, while on the contrary when it comes to writing, I’m just slightly above par.

Because I’m a music pro, I know practically all there is to know about the subject. I know all the ingredients and condiments that must go into a big tune.

Intro

This is the preamble –the starter to the main course. A song intro is like those thick mushroom soups served in those little white porcelain bowls before your over priced, multiple-course meal at those star-studded hotels arrives. A song intro should lay neat ground work for, and must ease effortlessly into the …

Chorus

At all times, this must be short, tight, and precise. In fact, the tightness of a song chorus should be like how tight event security was at the 49th Annual Meeting of the African Development Bank (AfDB), held at Camp Kigali in May.

A chorus should leave no doubt in your mind as to where the muhanzi is headed next with their song. Of course it’s not the first time I’m penning something about the essential qualities of a song chorus. By now you ought to know that whenever I mention ‘song chorus’, I’m just laying ground for that same old tired chorus that I keep recycling over and over again:

Let us be like a soldierAnd defend our area

As you can see, this chorus’s strength lies in sheer simplicity and clarity of purpose. Any average music lover will easily recite it at first listen.

Inspiration

An invisible and highly elusive mosquito from outer space that periodically visits talented musicians with a specially coded message that the artiste must now capture, comprehend, and out of this seeming mess, weave a sweet melody for your listening pleasure. When this inspired mosquito lands on a singer’s musical skin, one of three things will happen:

Either it will land, suck blood and fly off again without the singer ever noticing it, meaning they missed the inspiration, or the singer will spot the mosquito upon landing and deal with it. The third scenario is when the artiste feels the mosquito bite, but then is either too lazy or slow to act upon it. And off the inspiration goes, probably to a better-deserving artiste –never to be seen again by the first loser.

Jabber

A rapid, unintelligible, incoherent, nonsensical and full-of-gibberish style of singing popular with dreadlocked, Marijuana-smoking artistes from Jamaica and the Caribbean.

Well, I been troddin’ this road for the longest whileAnd me career nuff a dem want fi soilTroddin’ this road for the longest whileAnd never yet try profit off another man toil