Suave was the word to describe him. Sporting a plaid grey jacket atop black corduroy trousers, he looked the bill of civility, but there was something amiss about this stranger as he gesticulated wildly and spoke audibly enough.

A passerby would turn to his attention before realising the man had not called out to them and moved on. Taxi-motos, too, were at it. Whenever this happened, the suave-but-strange-man would momentarily be jolted from his reverie, smile an apology before jetting his tongue while shaking his side from side to side with comical effect.

The soliloquy he was treating passersby to boded on the comical. Was he mentally ill? Or just some abnormality? Sure, it is a phase in life for babies to talk a lot of gibberish or even sensible things to themselves, but is it okay for an adult to speak to themselves in public like that?

Most people at some time in their lives will mutter a word to themselves, perhaps a profane word like "Damn!” Or perhaps an entire sentence of recollection like, "Where did I put my glasses?” It is perfectly normal.

Some psychologists and psychiatrists argue that just because one person talks to themselves about what they should wear is not an indication of a mental disorder. On the contrary, they say, it is a signal of clear mental acuity and that such a person is sociable and able to communicate with others.

Where the majority will agree that there could be a problem is when a person forgets social etiquette and speaks to themselves in the presence of others, to the extent of gesticulating like a madman, a la the suave-but-strange-man.

However, there are still scores of cases of post-traumatic stress disorders from the horrendous effects of the 1994 Genocide against the Tutsi. Survivors have had to live with untold traumatic situations that could manifest in many ways, including such incidents as talking to onself.

That explains why where in many a country the suave-but-strange-man would be mocked by passersby, the Rwandan society is understanding and will give a sympathetic glance where such a scenario meets their eye.

Expert view

Nevertheless, Dr Charles Mudenge, a psychiatrist and head of the mental health department at Central University Teaching Hospital of Kigali (Chuk), says it is not normal for one to talk to themselves in public or in the presence of others when they are not addressing them.

The psychiatrist says when such a person is not aware that they are talking to themselves in public, then it is abnormal.

Emmanuel Hakomeza, a psychologist at Chuk’s mental health department, says it is only normal when you are aware of the situation but if you are not aware [that you are talking to yourself] then consult for someone to help you.

To this end, Diana Patra, from Kimironko, agrees, but adds that some people end up talking to themselves because of the stressful life that they are living, or they could be feeling lonely.

Rogers Ndemezo, also from Kimironko, thinks that in some cases, it can be triggered by trauma, such as when one experienced a lot of hardships in life and such situations sometimes replay in their mind.

"That is where you find that you are with someone but for them the minds are miles away as they try to juggle their problem and settle it in their mind,” he says.

But Paul Rwakahungu, from Kacyiru, has a more softer stance on the idea of talking to oneself in public, saying a person can be desperate or lonely in life, or under abject poverty, and such situation can provoke them to talk to themselves.

"There are situations that are so complicated, like when you’re a man and fail to provide for your family, you start having endless calculations in your head and can even end up talking aloud without even noticing. I don’t think such people are mentally ill,” Rwakahungu says.

However, Dr Mudenge says when someone is responding to a stimulus which is not there, "we call that a perception disturbance and in medical terms, we call it hallucination.”

The condition, he adds, is more common with people who have a psychotic disorder.

"If you have a problem finding yourself responding to someone when there is no one present, it could as well be said that you have a mental problem but still one cannot make conclusions based on that single symptom, we first have to address some other important information when the person comes for consultation,” Dr Mudenge says.

The psychiatrist says the mental state could be as a result of psychotic problems that are also caused by various factors such as biological problems, traumatic situations and also social factors such as financial problems.

According to Hakomeza, the cause of such a situation can depend on the way one functions in society because there are some situations that can dictate one to talk to themselves, there are also other issues like stress.

Hakomeza also argues that poverty cannot be an excuse for one to talk to themselves in public "unless it’s severe because not every poor person ends up talking to themselves, although sometimes poverty can be a trigger for such a situation.”

In other cases, some people can start that habit of talking to themselves after going through a traumatic experience, and in other cases it can be biological factors.

"Basically, there is no cause for alarm for such a situation, the most troubling situation is when you are not aware that you’re talking to yourself, but when you do know then you can find a mechanism for it,” Hakomeza says.

A sign of sanity

Writing on PsychCentral, a mental health web site, Dr Linda Sapadin argues that talking with yourself not only relieves loneliness, it may also make you smarter. It helps you clarify your thoughts, tend to what is important and firm up decisions you are contemplating.

The psychologist and success coach who specialises in helping people overcome self-defeating patterns of behaviour, describes of a sane woman who is not "so lovely to herself,” whose self-talk is a testament to everything she has done wrong. "You idiot!” is her hallmark headline, followed with a complete dressing down: "You should have done it this way; you should have been aware of that; you should have thought of it sooner.”

"That kind of self-talk, Dr Sapadin says, is worse than no talk at all. So begin talking to yourself like you are your own best friend. Which you are,” she argues.

The psychologist offers four types of self-talk that will make you smarter and feel better about yourself:

Why wait to get compliments from another? If you deserve them, give them to yourself. Besides, most people aren’t going to have the foggiest notion about the little actions you take that serve you well. Like the time you were tempted but decided to bypass the ice cream parlour because you honoured your commitment to yourself to lose weight. Doesn’t that deserve a shout-out compliment such as, "I’m proud of you”? Or the time you finally accomplished a bunch of things that you’ve been meaning to do — doesn’t that deserve a shout-out "good job!”?

You may not feel like doing boring or difficult tasks. Live with others and they will give you a swift kick in the pants as a reminder to clean up your mess or tend to that tough task. But you can motivate yourself to get going with a much kinder voice. "Hey, sweetie-pie. You’ve got time this morning to tidy up; how about it?”

Outer dialogue. Having trouble with making a decision? Should you stay or should you go? Buy this gift or the other? Choices aren’t easy. Indeed, because they’re so difficult, we often don’t really make a choice; we respond impulsively from habit or anxiety. It’s much more effective, however, to create a dialogue with yourself so that you can hear what you think. "I want to stay because of xxxx but I want to go because of yyyy.” Having such a dialogue can assist you in making a commendable compromise or a workable conciliation between your wants, your needs and others’ expectations.

Goal-setting. Let’s say you’re trying to be better organised so the holidays are not so frenzied. Setting a goal and making a plan (that is, what to do, when to do it, how to do it) can be a big help. Sure, you can just make a list, but saying it out loud focuses your attention, reinforces the message, controls your runaway emotions and screens out distractions. Top athletes do this all the time by telling themselves to "keep your head down. Keep your eye on the ball. Breathe.” It works well for them, why not for you?