I’ve never been a jealous person, but up until now I have turned into a seething, jealous, bitter hag. My husband and I hit the one year mark of trying to conceive this week. It is so hard. We have both undergone initial tests (all fine, except a few minor issues that doctors aren’t too worried about) and have been referred for more complex testing. I am devastated that it has come to this.

But what is killing me the most is other people’s pregnancy/baby news. I have a cousin at the moment that is pregnant, my family is fawning over her and I’m so jealous. I want to be happy for her, I really do, but I just feel my blood boiling when I think of it.

Plus, she had a miscarriage earlier this year, how come she gets to make two pregnancies happen in a year and I can’t even manage one? My anger is really starting to get the better of me. When I see pregnant women in the mall, or in the supermarket I have to rush past before bursting into tears.

I suffer from psoriasis which always breaks out when I am stressed! I almost had a panic attack the other day at the thought that I may never be a mom. Do you have any advice you can share with me on coping with this better, and is there anything I can do to overcome this shameful jealousy?

Stella

The counselor’s thoughts...

Biological functioning of the bodies, differs from woman to woman. Some may conceive right away upon their first attempt, yet others may take much longer than expected. From personal experience, this is a point when one pleasure missing in life is a baby and it can be incredibly frustrating to keep trying month after month without any success. As we share the secret of having to stay sane when it’s taking longer, the following steps could help you contend the highs and lows of coping.

Just relax and it will happen. The phrase, "easier said than done” may spring to your mind in response. However, whiles it’s almost impossible to relax when you are having countless days of your life without signs of pregnancy, it’s also very true that suppressing your levels of depression greatly increases your chances of conceiving. Pampering your body by giving it the best it deserves like delicious meals, physical exercises, book reading for intellectual enhancement, watching performances like comedies is not a bad idea.

Don’t feel guilty or puzzled with emotions, neither blame yourself or your partner for not having yet conceived. It’s no one’s fault but just nature taking its own course. Sincerely Stella, issues to do with nature have no room for human forces to accelerate the pace at which they occur. Allow total freedom of your mind and body for nature to fulfill its purpose and all will come to pass when you finally acquire your long awaited title "mother”.

Share the load. Trying for a baby can be very isolating especially if your friends have children or are falling pregnant around you, making you feel like half a pair of scissors. Here, the logic is easy; just share your feelings with your partner, parents or friends that you feel comfortable with. Spending quality time together as a couple makes the baby making process a whole lot more enjoyable for both of you.

It’s even more stressful during family get together events when you’re always reminded about having children. This doesn’t mean you‘re a bad person. Just develop strong self sufficiency and emotional independence and hold on to yourself; it is a temporary situation which will soon vanish.

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Your feedback: Readers advise Stella

It’s God’s plan

Gloria Dei

The things you think of when you are mad or upset are usually not good. All you can do is wish others well because bad wishes might come back to you instead. God has a plan for you. Relax.

It is natural to feel that way

Rita Kyomugisha

What you are feeling is natural. It shouldn’t make you feel odd. Everyone envies someone who has something they don’t have. You just have to work on your fail and control your resentment otherwise your relatives or other pregnant women may figure it out.

Don’t give up yet, give it time

Simon Peter Hategeka

Accept that when the time comes for you to have a child, you will have one. It’s just one year and some people wait for 20 years. Give it time my dear and know that there are some women in a worse position.

Talk to your family about how you feel

Linus Kalisa

Have you tried to talk about it with your husband or family? Or do you avoid and pretend it doesn’t exist? Talking about it helps and they might give you stories of people who have gotten pregnant after very long time. Those stories do help a lot. You should do that.

It’s too soon to worry

Teophile Tumwegere

You seriously want to tell me that after just one year you are worried about not getting pregnant? What will happen after five years (God forbid)? You should know that it’s God’s plan and don’t let this make you bitter.

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Hating will leave you bitter

Daniel Tuhabwasi

I am sorry and I understand what you are going through but you must understand that it doesn’t help much to hate on others.

Seek God’s help

Charlotte Mugisha

You do understand that you personally have nothing to do with you’re not giving birth? Why worry when you can pray and believe?

Jealousy won’t get you anywhere

Dorothy Ashley

Has your jealousy gotten you anywhere? I hope not because now you know what to do with it. Stop it before it gets the best of you.

Prayer and fasting will help

Deogratius Ariniatwe

Let it go and focus on prayer and fasting. Everything is possible with God.

Why hate on others?

Phillip Gatete

It doesn’t matter what is going on in your life. You still don’t have the right to hate on someone else. It’s in the hands of fate

Johsua Opio

You are depositing a lot of worry on a problem you might never solve yourself. Why not leave it to fate?

It’s not good to think that way

Musa Nzabandola

Imagine you were the mother with a child and another woman was looking at you and thinking that way. Put yourself in those shoes and tell me what you would do.

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