At my university, anyone with DSTV at home is a mula (slang for rich person). Everyone wants to be your friend because you watch more interesting things than they do on ordinary TV. 

Because I always want to be the cool person at school, the one everyone wants to be friends with, it hit me that I needed to get DSTV. But here’s the thing, my parents are not rich and can’t afford it and if I so much as even mention it to them I could easily get a slap from my dad.

But God does not forget His people. Luck came my way when I heard of a guy who records programmes on DSTV and sells the DVDs. This was great because now, I could join the mulas when they spoke about their cool programmes.

After watching them, you get the feel of someone who has watched DSTV. I bought about five DVDs and was covered for a while. Students would sit around me and listen as I narrated one programme after the other. Then luck left me. Some random guy bought the same DVDs.

At campus, when someone has something interesting like a flash drive with a movie or a disc with music or movies, it becomes public property. Before long, everyone had watched the same programmes I was talking about, thanks to that random fellow.

They questioned my stories, wondering if in fact I had watched those programmes on TV and not DVD. People started asking me if we really had DSTV at home. I assured them how DSTV is always on and how we never even delay to pay the subscription.

I regretted my statement when everyone agreed that they will watch Big Brother at my home since a Rwandan is part of the show. I looked on wide eyed, with the horror that none of my neighbours had DSTV hitting me. At least then I could find a way to convince the neighbour to pretend that the house was mine.

I am currently in hiding and will be throughout Big Brother. Anything that can keep me busy during those 90 days will be of very good help to me right now. Any suggestions?

campusinspector@newtimes.co.rw