It was on September 21 last year when armed terrorists attacked Westgate Shopping Mall in Nairobi, Kenya, killing about 67 people and injuring many others. My shopping experience has not been the same since that tragedy.

Before that, I didn’t fuss much about shopping. As long as the supermarket wasn’t crowded and I found whatever I was looking for at an affordable price, nothing else really mattered. However since Westgate, I dread going to supermarkets, especially the big ones because as we’ve learnt over the years, extremists want to inflict maximum damage and since shopping malls attract a fair number of people, including expatriates, they are targeted.

I’ve always been paranoid about many things; for instance if I happen to go home late, which for me is after 9.00pm, and someone is walking behind me, I get nervous, wondering whether I’m about to be attacked or robbed. If I’m in a car or taxi and the driver is going fast, I worry about getting involved in an accident. If I’m walking past armed security guards, I remember all the stories about guns going off accidentally.

So when I’m in a supermarket and something pops or I hear a loud bang, I get scared. Often, it’s just construction work going on at a nearby site or a shopper dropping something like a set of pans or some other heavy item but I just can’t get used to it. I used to spend a lot of time in malls, even when I was only there to window-shop.

Those who’ve pounded the streets searching for jobs know about those times you just need to rest your feet. Big supermarket chains usually have multiple floors but not many shoppers go beyond the ground floor; so on those days when I had to kill time between interviews because I couldn’t afford transport to make several trips, I’d go "hide” on the upper floor on the pretext that I was there to buy furniture.

There are not as many clerks up there and surprisingly, they let you sit on the sofas even when you look nothing like someone who could afford the millions-worth pieces! These days however, I don’t spend more than 30 minutes in any shopping complex.

As with Westgate, several malls are really one-stop-centres with saloons, restaurants, spas, clinics and many other places that allow one to do several things while there. I used to love the convenience of that.

You go shopping, have lunch and get your hair and nails done too. I can’t do that now because I have that nagging urge to "escape”. I’m glad most supermarkets have metal detectors, which reassures me that bad guys with guns cannot gain entry. What’s unsettling though is that these guards, usually two or three who stand right at the entrance, are unarmed, so if God forbid there was an attack, they would be the first to be taken out.

Sometimes, I also feel like the metal detectors are malfunctioning. There’s that beep that goes off when you go through with coins, keys or phone. But other times, you make your way through with those very items and hear nothing! My hope is that our malls and country remain safe at all times.