I am 31 years old, I do not have any kids and I’m not married. My two younger sisters, and a brother, live abroad and are married with kids. Because of this, I find myself dreading family get-togethers or even dropping in on my parents to see how they are doing because when I do, the only thing they talk about is why I’m not married.

Once, my mother said I was embarrassing the family because I had refused to get married. I was so angry and never went back to see them for about three months. When I finally did, she asked me to go and see a pastor, so he can pray for me and take away my curse.

I told her marriage wasn’t for everyone and she told me never to say such things again. She also said age was not on my side and that it was time to stop being picky.

I’m not even in a relationship but I think she assumes there are men lining up to marry me but I have just stubbornly refused. Their comments really hurt me and for this, I am beginning to resent them. Should I just stay away, because that is the only thing stopping me from being rude to them?

Tracy

The counselor’s thoughts...

Marriage is a free choice that is essentially determined. It is not a competition amongst sisters or brothers. You and your sisters are different people with different feelings, decisions, attitudes and destinies. All you need to do is to have your family get used to your life choice and always feel free to interact and explain to them why you came up with such a decision. Before you made this choice, you could have thought of the likely consequences and this could be just one of them so you have the mandate to strategically harmonise the situation.

Because we live in a couple-oriented society, some people regard singles as incomplete human beings but this is not right.  In ancient times, society regarded singles incapable of attracting mates which was associated with life failures. However in the last decade, singlehood, whether temporary or permanent, has achieved a new status, respectability and even legitimacy. 

In fact being single is now fashionable and its implications are tremendously fantastic.

Staying single for instance gives you an opportunity to assume full authority over yourself. However this should be done in a more constructive way with regard to human moral standards of uprightness and preservation of your own health, wealth, happiness in order to make your own connections with the world in essence to find a more enjoyable meaning to your life.

You are blessed with the freedom that others may never know and exposed to a multitude of options to manage your own time, develop new talents, find new hobbies, relax and make living alone a less restrictive sort of existence.

You should be your own inspiration and learn to function as a totally independent person.   

While as it’s true that family affection is a human basic need; this has nothing to do with your marital status virtually because you belong to this family right from your birth day which every family member should be aware of.