I am 28 and pregnant with my second baby. I am about four months gone. My husband and I have been married for six years now. I went for my first scan when I was about three months pregnant and the doctor told me that there was an abnormality with my baby that he couldn’t quite detect at the time. He, however, advised me to go back for another scan just to be sure.

Instead, I went to Nairobi about three weeks later and was told the same thing. I was advised to have the pregnancy terminated as it is a threat to the baby’s health and my own. My husband insists on termination but I cannot bear the thought of it. I believe that if this is the child God has given me then so be it, but my husband won’t hear of it and I don’t know how else to convince him. A little advice would be nice as I have no idea if I’m doing the right thing.

Juliet

Your comments (from Facebook and Twitter)

When the doctors advise you to terminate a pregnancy, it’s not out of malice or anything. It means that your life is at risk. I’m so sorry, I’m a Christian too but I will side with your husband. He can’t lose both of you because you are trying to hold onto the values of Christianity. Remember even God helps those who help themselves. 

Violet

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I know that as the person carrying this baby, you have a right to do what you want. But while making your decision please remember you have another child to consider. If you decide to keep the child in your womb, remember there is a possibility of dying, who will mother your first child? My dear, even God knows your life is at risk here, He will understand. 

Betty

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I can’t try to put myself in your position but be responsible and terminate the pregnancy before you develop any other complications in the process. Delaying to terminate the pregnancy is dangerous. Remember there are some stages at which it can’t easily be terminated.

Clementine 

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The Men Respond

"With faith, you can’t go wrong"

I must say you are in a very complex situation my dear. People have been there and have walked out of it. If you think you are strong enough not to go with the doctor’s option then go ahead my dear.  The blind have been able to see, the lame have walked, so why won’t you give birth and the baby is normal? It actually might not be as bad as you think. It’s no secret that terminating the baby can also kill you, so you see; you are caught between a rock and a hard place. You must think this through thoroughly, so don’t dismiss your husband’s worries because he only has your best interests at heart. He is a parent and the other half of that baby you are carrying, so it doesn’t please him to lose the baby.  In my honest opinion, God had a plan for you and your unborn baby even before you were born.  Don’t let anything deter you from that blessing or the plan He has for you.  Keep strong in your faith and have hope that everything will be fine. When that baby is born (and maybe named Patrick), everyone will know just how powerful faith in God can be. Stick to what is right and your life will be a reflection of God’s glory. 

Patrick, 22, is in a stable relationship.

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"Keeping the pregnancy is suicidal" 

Your husband insists on termination of the pregnancy because he wants the best for you, he doesn’t want you to risk your life or that of the baby. If you go on with the pregnancy against the advice of the doctor and your husband, you may leave your husband a widower and your other child without a mother. You sound like a believer in God and religion; you should see it as a sign from God that something is about to happen to you. God wouldn’t let doctors lie to you, would He? Whatever religion you subscribe to, there is a strict warning against taking your life, or putting yourself in harm’s way knowingly, that is what you are doing; it is not very far from a suicide attempt. Abortion sounds like a terrible term to use in your case, yours is not abortion, it is a medical procedure to prevent the pregnancy from harming you and your unborn child. Medicine and science are for such purposes; to get us through problems and situations that may cause unnecessary pain, let them serve their purpose. Do not leave your husband a widower knowing that you had a chance to avoid that from happening. Nothing is written down on the courses our lives take, we decide our own fate, choose yours carefully.. 

Collins, 27, is married

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"Let God be the judge"

Juliet, I applaud you for standing your ground and refusing to abort the baby when in this age and era, abortion doesn’t seem like the greatest crime in the world.  

Although you have not indicated the extent to which the pregnancy is a threat to your health, I would advise you not to abort the baby. No one has a right over life other than God. 

What if you end up dead during the abortion procedure? It would be unfair to the baby to make such a decision based on science without considering that there’s a reason that baby was conceived in the first place. Besides, disability is not inability. One of the most intelligent people in the world is Stephen Hawking with an I.Q of 160 although he suffers from motor neurone disease. 

That hasn’t stopped him from living a distinguished life, having a family and writing books that have changed the world of science. So, if your situation is not a matter of life and death, keep the baby. 

Your husband is probably worried about your health right now while you are more worried about the baby but you need to sit with him and tell him to give the baby a chance. Otherwise, if you both don’t agree about the same thing, the end result, whatever it may be, will affect your marriage. 

Dean, 29, is single