Dear Aunt Silvia,

I am a middle aged lady, single with no children. My parents are farmers and live in the village while I live with my two young brothers and a sister in town. I pay for their education and upkeep.

Recently when they came home from school for holiday, I found out that they have started indulging themselves in drinking alcohol and smoking. I am so hurt because my siblings have made my life stop.

I fear socialising because of my responsibilities of looking after the three of them with my little salary. Where do I go for help, so that these young men and woman can be helped?
Alice.

Dear Alice,

Charity begins at home; there is no real medicine for children out there who are misbehaving. Whatever medicine you are looking for has to come from you first.

Most children in this age group fall under peer pressure, they are intimated and forced to do things that they are not willing to do in the first place.

Unfortunately some eventually and get hooked on the drugs and abuse of alcohol. Another factor is that our children are exposed to so many things; they watch movies not intended for them without our consent as parents, and read magazines which further enhance their curiosity.

However, it is never too late; they are still very young and can be helped. How active are you in matters of faith? If you are a practicing Christian or any other religion for that matter, you need to set an example to your siblings; you must teach them reverential fear of God.

Very rarely will you find children who are brought up in a religious setting, and who are made to understand from the very beginning that too much of any thing is poisonous fall prey into drug and alcohol abuse.

Why? Because they will have that fear of God deep rooted inside their minds, and thus know immediately that if they engage in bad behavior then it will be sinning.

You know children are very bright nowadays, you cannot tell a child that alcohol or smoking is bad, because they see adults doing it - so they will find a reason of wanting to taste what they see other people are doing, and that is where you explain to them the consequences of engaging in such behaviors.

There should be a way to start with your siblings, start talking to them, do not assume that they are not aware of what they are doing, because they are. There is no sparing them when it comes to be disciplined. You have to call a spade a spade, they have to know the truth of how much you are suffering just so that you can take care and educate them in the best way you know how.

You must lay the rules on the table and give them choices. Whoever chooses to stick to the rules of the game, well and good, whoever feels they cannot stand the heat-then you can show them the door, after all your parents are still alive, so send that package back to the village, he can as well attend school there.

Most children think that it is their right to be brought up and taken care by their elder siblings, even when the parents are still alive, not knowing that those elder siblings have their own responsibilities and lives to lead. You are loosing so much time of your own just to make your siblings comfortable, and they are not seeing the sacrifice you are making. You have to take the tough measures now.

Whichever religion you are practicing, please take them to the superior person so that they can be guided through this healing process.

Contact: kayitesius@yahoo.com