My 20-year-old son is in his second year at university doing computer science. All his life, he has brought home good grades and never once failed a test.  He is my only child and his father died when he was 12 years old. I have raised him on my own and feel like I have done a great job, until a month ago. The truth is, he has a good voice, and sometimes even sings to me. But it is not something I thought he would actually want to pursue because he was always so sharp in class. I imagined him a doctor or engineer. He told me he does not wish to continue with his course and that music is all he wants to do now. I can’t say that I know what triggered this decision and as a parent I want to support him in any way I can. But not this time. He is throwing his future away and I know he will regret it. I have tried to convince him to finish his course but he won’t hear a word of it. I have asked relatives to talk to him but nothing has helped. I have never been so stressed in all my life. I don’t want to fall out with him as not supporting him will surely get us there but I don’t want to be a hypocrite either. I need all the advice I can get.

Sharon

Your views (from Facebook and Twitter)

You indeed need all the advice you can get regarding your son’s change of a career path. I believe, instead of restricting him to either choose school over his new found passion, please show him that he can actually pursue his music and at the same time complete school. There are examples of Rwandan musicians who have been able to pursue further studies at the same time embracing their passion for music. A good example is Tom close. He is an established musician and a doctor at the same time.

Clarisse

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Your son could be undergoing some phase in life and I think you should get professional help for him. The professional help I’m talking about is someone who can offer your son some career guidance. This person will not be impartial like you are when talking to your son about career options.

Flora Umuliisa

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If talking to him does not help, I think you should use a little bit of emotional blackmail, cry if possible. Try telling him how much you have struggled and sacrificed to see him through school. I know he will understand, he will end up finishing school and then take on  music later.

Allen

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The Men Respond

'Let the boy sing!"

We are way past that era. Let me take you through the life of a graduate, particularly engineering, which I can easily relate to. Just a year ago, my friends graduated with Bachelors in telecom and electronic engineering as well as electrical engineering. A good number of them are at home still waiting to be called in to the offices where they applied for jobs. Others are struggling with start-ups; however, some are actually doing well. 

On the other hand, I have a friend who took her passion for music seriously and got into it, gave it her whole and today, she makes more money some engineers from just one concert. If you support him, there is a lot he can do. There is a lot of room for him to grow in the music industry and if that is what he loves, let it be.  There is nothing worse than doing a job you don’t like for the rest of your life. It’s worse than staying in school. 

Patrick, 22, is in a stable relationship.

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"Let him see the situation for himself"

As a parent you probably feel you know what is best for your son, you wouldn’t want to see him university said that he wants to drop school for music.

You have probably been around long enough to know that the music industry is not always as glamorous as it is portrayed in music videos, it is often characterised by endless struggles and in the event you find your way, you can never be sure of how long you will remain relevant.

It is hard to convince a 20-year-old of this, especially when all he can imagine ahead is money, girls and fame. Pushing him to forcefully see things your way will not help because he will see you as a barrier to his ambitions.

The best way around it is to make him see what life as a musician is, get a friend who get can get you to a music studio or one who can introduce you to musicians. Let him spend time with the artistes and see that it is not as glamorous and promising as it seems on camera.

After that he will see the need to have a backup plan just in case music doesn’t work out.

All the best. 

Collins, 27, is married

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"If you do something you love, you’ll never work a single day”…

Sharon, the above statement is one of the two best quotes that I’ve heard in the little years that I have been on this earth. It simply means that when you do something that you love, it’s not a job, it’s more like a hobby only that you hit two birds with one stone; you get paid and get to enjoy your hobby. If his passion for music is stronger than his desire to be a doctor or an engineer; then don’t push him.

A friend once told his father that he wanted to study Mass Communication at Campus, he’s father swore never to pay for such a course. He had no option but to study Veterinary Medicine and Surgery which his father preferred. On his graduation day, he removed his gown, handed it to his father and said "father, here is the degree that you sent me for. Now am off to study Mass Communication.” He wasted a lot of time just because his father couldn’t listen to him. I don’t think you want that for your child.

Talented people usually exhibit high levels of flair, aptitude, skill, technique etc. While hard work is about sweat, diligence and perseverance which all require enormous amounts of energy to sustain. Of course there are those who excel at both, but for sheer efficiency of energy and time, talent will probably produce far more personal benefits and returns than hard work ever did. Let him do what he loves, just guide him on how to do it so well that people will pay to see him do it again. 

Dean, 29, is single