Expo is here again! It is a time to guzzle booze at reduced prices.

Why do I go back to the expo after what happened to me some years ago? Yes – several years ago, the expo exposed me to the real world.

You see, I had gone to the expo to find something more than just cheaper Amstels. I had gone to search for a future Diaspo bride. I had previously failed to find that one single lady who would be willing to consume cheaper drinks such as Primus.

Almost all ladies that I had come across insisted on expensive wines and Rams. They would always choose the most expensive joints and fearlessly place an order for wines such as; Fume Blanc, Inglenook, Montrose and Chateau de Leelanau. My only savior, at such moments, was that the waiters always came up with the right answer; "Madam, we do not sell such beers here.”

Hurray! Good waiter indeed. I like a waiter who cannot differentiate wines from beers. When I come across a waiter who provides answers that save my pockets, I always leave behind a hefty tip of not less than 100 francs! Anyways, I usually end up enjoying my bottles of Amstel as the chick settles for a bottle of Fanta.

Several years ago, I was sure I had landed the right chick until I visited the Expo! The chick was a self-proclaimed born-again Christian. That is why she used to order for Fanta orange when we went out for a date. I was forced also to swallow that bitter taste of soda just to impress her. Oh how I badly missed the sweetness of Amstels! So here I was ready for my wedding vows to my born-again lady.

Everything was set. I was now going to contact all relatives, friends and in-laws about this very important day. I also had to get out there to shop for "our” new life. I called my chick and invited her for a shopping spree. Could we go together to Nyabugogo market? No dear, I have to attend to my Auntie who is at King Faisal. Ah sorry! Since my fiancée could not go with me to Nyabugogo I decided to take the shortcut. So I headed for the Expo.

The Expo was buzzing with throngs of people. The air was full of nice roast goat aromas. Music was booming from all corners. A live band was performing as Rwandans danced to the tunes. I approached the Bralirwa area and I felt a certain urge to gulp one cold Amstel.

The cash that was stashed away in my pockets was to buy a pair of bed sheets plus some cutlery. I was not here for Amstels and roast meat. I tried to resist the temptation but I failed the test. That is how I found myself pulling a plastic chair to sit.

As I started gulping one Amstel after another, I recognized a familiar voice right behind me. I turned around and was shocked at what I saw. There was my future bride having a swell time with a group of macho looking men.

This is the person who had told me that she was attending to her ill Auntie at the King Faisal hospital! What was happening? I rubbed my eyes again. Phew, in her right hand was a cigarette. The left hand was clutching tightly on a bottle of Primus. Her right leg was up in the air kicking to the tunes of "Kira dodora”. 

My future bride who was supposed to be a teetotaler was busy swallowing Primus like there was no real tomorrow! When I approached her, the macho looking guys stood up. They must have been 7ft tall! Things were becoming elephant for me. And that is why I had no choice but to tuck my tail between the legs. Indeed, the Expo had exposed me to the real deal.