EXAMS ARE almost out and some people have already decided to switch their phones off. I will explain why. Yesterday I called a friend I hadn’t talked to in a while and he said he was out of the country. His phone was on but he was in America! Don’t ask! I guess we have satellite phones available now. Last I checked this guy didn’t even have a passport. 

Just last week, we attended a friend’s birthday, and when one of my classmates was asked what he was having, he answered, "I hope I don’t have anything below 50% because if that happens I’ll be kicked out of school.” He then realised they were asking him what drink he wanted.

Then finally we watched the Algeria match with a number of classmates and because of the great support we have for Africa, we were so excited until one of the dudes mentioned how he suspected he aced all the papers. Since I was seated right behind him and copied him in every paper I think I should also rejoice. 

With the exception of lucky chaps like us (myself and the guy I copied) everyone else seemed angry after the statement. All the joy had been drained from them like a child who has been denied a sweet. 

So this week we decided to investigate our performance. We were to check our notes and see if they matched our answers. Very convinced I had passed with colours flying at the speed of light, I didn’t hesitate to take part, waiting anxiously to laugh at my friends who failed.

I have never felt energy abandon my body so fast like when the dude who claimed he had aced his tests wailed like an old woman whose grass thatched house had caught fire the second he looked through his notes. I can assure you I almost fainted. 

I remembered how I mocked my friends and even suggested other options if school failed. I just kept quiet and walked out of the room. Today, my phone is off and I am looking for money to go visit long lost relatives anywhere but in Kigali.

I now suspect I probably would’ve done much better if I had used my own head. But this guy wrote so fast and kept nodding his head like he totally understood every question. 

Should a miracle happen and I’m not thrown out of school for failing, I will use my head no matter how injured I think it is.