Hi guys

I have been having an affair with a guy and it has been going on for a couple of years now. When it started, he never told me he was married and when I finally found out, I was too far gone to care. I met his wife at a party once and judging by their behaviour the whole night, they seemed to have issues. He told me they hardly communicate and that they had decided to get a divorce but it’s been a year now and nothing has happened. One day, I went to meet up with some friends and when I got up to use the bathroom, I noticed his wife with another man. I can swear I saw them hold hands and look at each other in a manner that wasn’t sibling (or friend) - like but I looked away quickly in case she caught me staring. I later confirmed my fears when I saw them kiss and leave together. I am deeply in love with her husband but was going to end the relationship because I believed that he was never going to leave his wife. Now that his wife is cheating on him, maybe that will give him a boost to go ahead with the divorce. Should I tell him? 

Annette

Your advice (from Facebook and Twitter)

Before you rush to tell him about his wife’s escapades 

just because you want him to divorce her and have him to yourself, have you forgotten that when you started dating he never told you that he was married? He is not innocent at all and I don’t even see why

you love him. He is a cheat and a liar. So just end the relationship and let them be. Him and his wife deserve to be together.

Sophie Umulisa

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Don’t tell him that his wife is cheating because the chances of him believing you are very slim. If she is cheating she will get caught. I also advise you to

end the relationship with him as you may contract diseases. If the wife is sleeping with other men and he still sleeps with her,  what are the chances that you won’t contract sexually transmitted diseases? Actually just go and have yourself tested.

Gloria Kayumba

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You didn’t care? Really? What kind of a woman are you? When he divorces her than gets tired of you and gets himself some other lady, she probably won’t care either.  If a married man is cheating on his wife with you, what makes you think he won’t cheat on you with someone else?  Just because his wife is doing something wrong doesn’t give you the green light to go on with your bad deeds. Do not be a part of this; you do not want to be a home wrecker do you?

Stacy 

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The Men Respond

'What you are doing is evil'

You must be really desperate because I don’t understand why you don’t mind your own business. Now that you have found out that his wife is also cheating, you want to play the "saviour” but all you are doing is ruining the poor man’s life. Why didn’t you stop the relationship when you found out that he was married? Did you even ask him if he was married? What if the wife is cheating because the husband never has time for her since he’s always with you? All marriages have issues and theirs is no exception. Have you thought of the fact that the same might happen to you if you happen to get married (God forbid!) to this man? If he is a level-headed man, he should not consider marrying you. Who wants to marry a side-dish?  My advice is, stay out of their business. You have already done enough and it is time you stepped out and got your own life. What do you think the husband will think about you once you start reporting to him about his wife’s actions? Does he really want to know? Don’t rush the man into making decisions because of your own selfish motives. Think about why he hasn’t divorced his wife for the whole period you have been dating. Maybe it’s not meant to happen and you are busy wasting your life living a fantasy that is only scaled by movies. Leave the man and woman alone to sort out their problems and go get a life. I’m sorry if your life revolves around that man.  Get another one.

Dean, 29, is single

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'Do what you have to do'

You are in love with a married guy and his wife is not giving enough attention to him. You say that you have gone too far to care and that he is planning on divorcing his wife. 

There are at least three of you who are living a lie and being miserable while at it. His wife is cheating on him, and he is cheating on her with you, as selfish as it sounds, he probably needs a small push to go ahead with the divorce, he is probably scared to go ahead with it thinking that he will make her miserable or will be unfair to her.

Go ahead, tell him that she is not as innocent as he thinks but do not tell it to him like you expect him to get divorce papers right away, it will make you seem controlling or  hungry to be with him.

You do not have to feel bad about being in love with a married man; see it as if you were saving each other from misery.  

The push for divorce too will be a step towards saving him from misery.

If you say you are truly happy with him, you were probably meant for each other and deserve each other, burn every bridge, scorch the earth and do all you can to be together. 

Collins, 27, is married

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'You don’t owe his cheating wife a thing!'

This is a very interesting story. I don’t think you have psychic powers and therefore knew that your boyfriend’s wife would be at that place. It happened for a reason. In fact, you should have taken pictures.I think you should tell the guy about it. This is probably what he was waiting for, a solid reason to leave his wife. I know you said you were feeling guilty, but you shouldn’t, after all, his wife was up to no good either.

You deserve to be happy and so does he. This is your time to be happy, if he really wants to be with you, he will leave his cheating wife and start a relationship with you. I just hope that for your sake, he doesn’t pull the same move on you. You know what they say – he who cheats with you will cheat on you! But hey, it doesn’t apply to everyone; those were probably the words of a bitter ‘divorcee’. In case he doesn’t believe you, take that as a red card and run! It means he still wants to be with his wife so you will be wasting your time (and youth) being someone’s ‘side dish’. And believe me, there’s no fun in that. 

Patrick, 22, is in a stable relationship.