My friend betrayed me
My husband and I have fallen out with our best friends and it’s causing a nightmare. It started when my friend and I decided to set up a business. She was initially very keen, and as we had some disposable income I invested money in setting up the company, paying for web design and so on. After letting me spend my money, she suddenly decided to take a great job offer elsewhere and not continue the business partnership with me. I know I can’t do it alone and so my money is wasted and I feel badly betrayed. We had a major row, we both said some pretty nasty things and our husbands got involved and now no one is speaking to the other. The worst thing is our kids have grown up together and our daughters are best friends and we’re part of a close-knit social group, so it’s making everyone’s lives miserable. I don’t want to fall out with a friend over money but I also do not want to be taken advantage of. Put yourself in my shoes, what would you do? Rosette
Thursday, June 19, 2014
My husband and I have fallen out with our best friends and it’s causing a nightmare. It started when my friend and I decided to set up a business. She was initially very keen, and as we had some disposable income I invested money in setting up the company, paying for web design and so on. After letting me spend my money, she suddenly decided to take a great job offer elsewhere and not continue the business partnership with me. I know I can’t do it alone and so my money is wasted and I feel badly betrayed. We had a major row, we both said some pretty nasty things and our husbands got involved and now no one is speaking to the other. The worst thing is our kids have grown up together and our daughters are best friends and we’re part of a close-knit social group, so it’s making everyone’s lives miserable. I don’t want to fall out with a friend over money but I also do not want to be taken advantage of. Put yourself in my shoes, what would you do?
Rosette
Your advice (from Facebook and Twitter)
Rosette, I understand your situation; you invested your money and seeing it go to waste justifies your anger. But I don’t think you should be so angry with your friend that your families have to be dragged into it. This is a test to your friendship and I would advise you to reconcile with your friend because at least she didn’t rob you and was open with you – she took an opportunity she felt was right so all you can do is support her.
Connie Uwera
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Rosette when I put myself in your shoes, I feel like I would not react the way you are. You are complaining about the money you invested but you seem to forget that even your friend invested something. I believe that when you started the business, each of you had a role to play so her departure shouldn’t entirely kill the business. Instead of fighting, talk to her and find ways through which she can still help you boost the business. If she is truly a friend, she will do it in a heartbeat.
Allen Mbabazi
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Friends always fight and they find ways to reconcile. If you feel that your misunderstandings are affecting your families, swallow your pride and reconcile with your friend and with that, you will find a way forward on how to make the business survive even without her.
Brenda
The Men Respond
Count your losses and move on
I don’t know whether to sympathise with you or straight out call you naïve. The idea of doing a business with your best friend is not bad but you should have been careful not to invest your money when she clearly wasn’t meeting you half-way. As an adult you should have known that money and friendship don’t have a good relationship together. So, you invested your money, she took another job and left you alone and now you two have dragged your husbands (meanwhile, why are they sticking their nose in your business?) into the whole mess. How did it get to this? You all acted immature and childish. As adults, you should have sat down with your best friend and resolved this issue but because of egos and negative attitude, you have spoilt a good relationship and are still threatening to destroy your social group too. Both husbands should also act like heads of family instead of bickering around and getting involved in issues they should have tried to solve. Meanwhile, I don’t get it when you say that you can’t run a business alone. Shouldn’t you have thought that out in the first place? Grow a thick skin and move on. That drama shouldn’t jeopardise your whole social group and your children’s friendship. Put an end to it before you are labeled "friends from hell”.
Dean, 29, is single
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It was probably a revelation
You feel bad about the spat between your family and your best friend’s family. But it is possible that you are taking too much heat for it as if you are the sole cause of the spat?
You say that you invested your hard earned money in the business only for your friend to walk out on you causing you to lose the investment.
Had your friend been sincere she would have been frank with you from the beginning and told you that if a job offer comes along she might have to take it. Your husband had every right to get involved in the spat; it was an investment that he was probably part of and your loss is his too. You are afraid that the spat could drive your kids who have grown together apart, but that should not be a reason to tolerate people who are out to mess you up, people who are not loyal, people who walk out on you when you need them most.
It is said that you do not realise your real friends during happy moments, you know who your true friends are when they stick by you and protect what’s yours.
Those who believe in religion and God say that there is a reason for everything that happens, believers say that you should not look at the closed door for long - they are probably right.
Collins, 27, is married
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Friends are for life, money isn’t!
Money will come and go but friends are for life. I know you invested your money into this project but come on, are you really going to let money come in between a friendship that has spread to your kids as well?
Not many are lucky to claim such friendships therefore, before you go all ‘kill kill kill’ on your bestie, sit down and talk, let her know you are disappointed and that it is not something you can just ignore. If she has a heart, she will apologise and help you find ways to salvage what is left of the project and your friendship.
Don’t let this get in between your families- worst of all your children – they will not understand it and it is not fair to them as they too, are building strong friendships. There are things you shouldn’t be fighting over, and money is one of them.
However, should she act like she has no fault in this, then she is not even half the friend you thought she was. You both need to bury the hatchet in a way only friends can.
Patrick, 22, is in a stable relationship.