The other day, I met a born again lady who showed me her true colors.

You see, I am still in the hunt for a bride and that is why my feet have taken me all the way to the born again churches. But before I tell you about my new ‘savdee’ catch, let me briefly tell you about what happened to me when I first went to church in search of a future bride.

Yes, on that fateful Sunday, I went to church where I sat next to this strikingly beautiful future bride. She gave me a nice smile and then we proceeded to praise the lord in songs and in form of dancing. All was going well until the pastor asked the congregation to wave hands towards the heavens. Before I could raise my hands, my new chick lifted her arm at a 180 degree angle.

It was at this moment that a certain strong smell emanated from her armpit towards my nostril. I swear that smell was so strong that it knocked me out flat. It was what some scientists would term as; pungent! The smell hit me like a rocket and I landed on the ground. At this moment, fellow Christians rushed to me, laying hands on me. They were praying hard so that the demons could jump out.

How I wish that they knew what had actually hit me was not the Holy Spirit. It was the armpit of my wife-to-be that had knocked me out.

So, I just abandoned that girl and started searching again. Anyways back to the present. I had to change churches and I ended up visiting another posh one where I quickly identified a new candidate. So my new candidate agreed to share with me a soft drink.

We went to town in a restaurant where we proceeded to order for sodas. But what I did not know was that the born again Christian was actually a fake. Apparently, she had a small bottle of Uganda Waragi stashed safely in her handbag. That is why she used the occasion to mix her soda with the potent drink when I went outside to place a telephone call.

As I enjoyed my soft drink, my companion’ moods got more hyper as the evening unfolded. Her UG products were working on her mind in a strange manner.

She behaved in a manner that left onlookers very amused. My new catch looked at me with teary eyes and informed me that whenever she goes out for drinks, she tended to remember all of her ex-boyfriends.

She told me that such occasions do remind her about the heartbreak that her ex-boyfriends caused her. That is when I realised that my born again bride to be was seriously loaded with a potent drink called Uganda Waragi!

Oops, I had to be on my guard. I told her that it was time to go home but she refused. She wanted more rounds of drinks. Deep inside, I was getting scared! What if she remembers her ex-boyfriends? What if she recalls how heartbroken she got? What if she starts to cry?

As I was still thinking of an exit strategy, my future bride released a very loud sound which caused panic at the place. The sound she was releasing was a mixture of screams, coughing, sneezing and wailing. "Oh, John! Oh, David, Oh Robert! Oh, Fred! Why did you forsake me? Am I that ugly? Really? Why why why?…” Amidst all this craziness, I sneaked out and disappeared into the night, leaving behind my new chick…