Hi guys,

My boyfriend and I have been together for about six months now.  Two months ago, he asked me to meet his parents which I thought was wonderful as I was truly falling for him. Let me tell you now that I had a bit of a crazy past, which explains why I recognised his dad the day we met. I met his dad years ago and we dated briefly (seven months maybe). Yes, he was way older than me but I was really into older men and felt that men my age were too immature – till I met my current boyfriend. He is the first guy my age that I have dated. His father hasn’t said anything to him and impressed me with his acting skills by pretending not to know me. But, I am now dying of guilt. I can’t be around his parents without looking nervous. I feel like I should tell him but that is not the sort of thing you tell a guy. Some advice please. 

Mable

Your Advice (from Facebook and Twitter)

Quite a predicament you are in there my friend. But it’s not your fault - this isn’t something you planned. Things happen, sometimes the things we never dreamed would, and we have no control over them - it’s called life. If you are truly serious about your man, you will tell him the truth and start your marital journey on a clean slate - no secrets. Because when he finds out - I can assure he will - it will be the worst betrayal for him, and understandably so. It’s not easy, but you have to do it.

Trudy

***********************************************

I have seen drama but this takes the crown. Two words for you - get out! I say this because I can assure you, you will lose either way. There is no win for you. Your man does not want to spend the rest of his life wondering if he ‘measures’ up to his dad - as a guy I can confirm that. And also, we like to say the past is the past but that awkwardness you feel every time you are around him is not going anywhere. Sure you are in love, but there are other fish.

Arnold S

***********************************************

You do realise that this is the man’s father we are talking about here - not some third cousin or very distant relative of that nature - at least when it comes to matters like these. Never under any circumstance should you let that skeleton out. Sure, honesty is the best policy but if your father-in-law is quiet about it, then you should be too. 

Grace

*****************************************************

This sounds like something out of a Nigerian movie! My first piece of advice would be not to follow any of the nonsense done in those movies - just kidding. Seriously though, tough as this might be, you have to tell him. He will find out eventually, secrets like these never stay in the closet too long. You are better off telling him and facing the problem head on. One thing you should keep in mind is that none of this was your doing. Fate happened. How can he judge you for something that you didn’t see coming? It could happen to anyone. Take heart; should he walk out on you, live your life - but try to stay away from older men this time!

Patrice

***************************************************

This calls for prayer. If you are not a religious person, now is the time to get acquainted with God. He (God) might not be too glad that you decided to communicate in time of need but He will still be happy to help because He loves you. 

Perhaps talk to a close friend or relative too and see what they have to say about this. Just don’t do anything until you are positive about how you want to handle the situation. Should you decide to tell him, stand real close to the door and leave it slightly open just incase he gets histerical and the need to run for dear life surfaces.

Aisha

The Men Respond

Leave without saying anything

Imagine a conversation where you are trying to explain to your boyfriend that before him, you were sleeping with his father. How would you possibly begin and how would you walk away without hoping the earth would split and swallow you.

Telling him would not be the end of your woes. It would open up a can of worms since he would be left with a task to explain to his wife and his children why he is going out with girls half his age. At times honesty is overrated and only leaves behind conflicts and irreparable differences.

Consider it a favour you are doing to your boyfriend’s family by remaining quiet and leaving without saying a thing. You have to save their marriage and the father’s respect in his son’s eyes.

There are several ways to leave without having to disclose your secrets, you could begin by faking your death, okay I am kidding. Tell him that you are moving out of town and cannot keep up with a long distance thing or just tell him that there are too many things that you have to clear before you can settle down with him.  

Collins, 26, is married

*********************************************

Keep that closet door firmly shut

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, ever heard that line? His dad has been mature enough to keep it in the closet where it belongs and now you want to open the can of worms. I don’t think this will go down well. 

The moment you decide to let that cat out of the bag, be ready for a battle that you will most likely lose. Of course that is if his dad doesn’t tell him first and make you look like a loose girl. 

How do you think your boyfriend will feel dating someone that his dad dated, more importantly, do you think his mother will let him marry a girl that was once her husband’s mistress or girlfriend or whatever!  I think the past is the past, if you won’t do that again then bury it and move on. Let the changed you surface and leave the past in the past.  You must also show your potential dad-in-law that what happened is nothing but an old episode and shouldn’t cause any tension between the two of you. It’s been years for Pete’s sake - your boyfriend would be quite unreasonable to end the relationship if he found out because to be honest, how were you supposed to know that the man you dated then was the father of a guy you would date in the future?

Patrick, 22, is in a stable relationship.

***************************************************

You are a time bomb!

Mable, I honestly don’t know what to tell you because your situation is beyond just mere advice. What you need is divine intervention otherwise I don’t see any way you will be able to salvage this situation without losing. Being into older men is understandable and your reasons such as thinking that guys your age are immature can’t be used to judge you. The only way to judge you would be if you still had feelings for the old man. If you do not, then I suggest you find ways of moving on because if you tell your boyfriend, not only will you break up your relationship, but there’s a big chance that you will break up your boyfriend’s family too. In the end, you will be the girl who broke your boyfriend’s heart and his family. To be exact you are a time-bomb waiting to explode. Since your future father-in-law has managed to put on a good act, try doing the same and that can’t be very difficult. You can feel guilty all you want and you deserve to but it should stop there. On the other hand, you can find ways to break up with the guy without ruining his life. I’m not saying that it will make you look any better, but it’s the best option you have right now if you can’t control your emotions. 

Dean, 28, is single