Hi guys,

My girlfriend and I have been dating for three years. To say that I love her is an understatement. When we just started out, she was perfect - everything I wanted in a girl. However, I am now seriously concerned about her drinking. I have no idea how this started but she seems to be in the bar almost every day of the week. We do not live together but everytime I call her, she is out somewhere drinking. She then goes back home at odd hours even when she has work the next day. I tried talking to her about it and she almost chewed my head off. She said it was under control and that she didn’t need me as a supervisor! I strongly believe she is becoming an alcoholic because over the weekends when she is at my place, the first thing she does when she wakes up is get a beer! Who does that? I love this girl so much but if she doesn’t admit she has a problem, I don’t know how much more of this behaviour I can tolerate. I want to start a family with her but I can’t if she is zonked every day of the week! Some advice please! 

Charlie

Your advice (From Facebook and Twitter)

We all have our faults and right now, instead of thinking of how you can tolerate your girl, think about how you can help her. Get into some healthy things together instead of letting her wander off to night clubs then complaining later. Don’t give up on her.

Jessie

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If she is willing to admit that she has a problem then that is the first step in solving the problem. Otherwise it is a waste of time if all she thinks she’s doing is ‘having a little fun’. Sit her down - she will not like it - but if she truly loves you, she will listen. Let her know that her behaviour has got to stop and that you won’t tolerate anymore foolishness. Do not accept that behaviour.

Simon

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Would you like it if she gave up on you that easily? I know it is not easy dealing with someone who is drunk half the time and near drunk the other time, but if you love her the way you say you do you will find all ways possible to break this habit she has going on. Talk to family if you have to. Just don’t give up. The girl you fell in love with is still in there somewhere.

Clarisse

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I think you should let her enjoy life and move on with hers. By enjoy life, I do not mean that is exactly what she is doing - it is what she thinks she is doing - till reality checks in. I hope for her sake, it won’t be too late.

Trevor

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Just because she drinks a little too much now doesn’t mean she is not the girl you fell in love with - you even said she had all the qualities you wanted in a woman. Fight for her. I don’t mean literally - just be there for her - give her tough love if you have to. Should be pulled through, you will always be the man that pulled her from rock bottom.

Teta U

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There are so many women running around. If that girl wants to waste her life like that, do not let her waste yours too. If she isn’t smart to realise that she is not getting any younger and therefore cannot afford such stupidity then it’s best to leave her. Should she come to her senses (and you are still interested) then go for it. But for now, just leave her alone and focus on your life.

Austin

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Life is too short - I think she figured that out - hence her behaviour. I think you also need to calm down and just take life the way it comes. Have fun, take a risk - live!

Junior

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The Men Respond

Find the cause

You were having a perfectly good time with your girlfriend and then from no where she finds a liking for alcohol that you had not seen before. The new found love for alcohol could have stemmed from a problem she is experiencing and cannot find the strength to confront it while she is sober. Before making a hasty decision, you should probably find out the cause of her drinking problem and try to work around it. 

Rarely do people turn to alcohol; mostly, if not always, it is out of frustration, stress or social pressure. All this could seem as if they are just out to have a good time. You say that at times she stays out late drinking knowing well that she has work the next day and that on some occasions she gets up early in the morning eager to have a beer, this is not the behaviour of someone out to have a good time, it is the character of someone trying to run away from something - if not herself.

Now would be a good time to prove your love for her by sticking with her when she is at her lowest, get her through this and she will be yours for life.

Good luck.

Collins, 26, is married

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She needs tough love

If there is one person in need of tough love it is your girlfriend. She needs to understand that there are consequences  to her actions - like losing her job, or even losing you. If she seems aloof about that then she is more troubled than I thought. 

Do not give up on her just yet, however, do not sit there and let her ‘be’ just because you think she will stop eventually. Set some growund rules. If she is coming to your place, there will be no such thing as having beer for breakfast. If she can’t handle that then she is free not to come over. That way, she will know just how much you don’t like it and will try to straighten up. 

Also, let her know that you love her but you can only be pushed too far. If she can’t fight for the relationship then you have no business doing so either.

Lastly, if you must, work out some sort of intervention. She will hate you for it at first, but love you later because you saved her from herself. If you have to include family, so be it. Do not hold back. Do not feel sorry. Do not let youtself get emotionally blackmailed by tears - tough love is what she needs - till she comes to her senses .

Patrick, 22, is in a stable relationship.

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Let the girl have some fun

You are probably worrying over nothing. She is probably making up for time in the past where she did not have as much fun as she should have had. She has probably discovered what she has been keeping herself away from and it got you thinking that  she has turned into an alcoholic.

As you say, you two do not reside together and you are probably too busy for her, leading her to go seek solace and comfort some place else.

As you are planning to settle down with her, she has probably decided that it would probably be a good idea to have fun now before you put a ring on her finger and require her to come home by 7pm.

The thing with love and emotions is that they can at times blind you, they may cause you to ignore some bits of your lovers characterl, only to reveal them later. Have you thought that she could have had love for her drink when you met her but you were too ‘blind’ to notice it?

Whatever the case is, let the girl have some fun, she is still young and these are the best days of her life, you clearly do not want to be the reason she is unhappy. If anything, you should loosen up and join her.

Dean, 28, is single